American Idol always disappoints me; it's corny, too long, and I have never in my life felt prompted to buy one of the winner's CDs or even vote for the contestants I like best. But for some reason I have to watch it--if not for Randy Jackson's incessant clarion call of "yah dawg, yah dawg," Paula Abdul's incoherent but saccharine ramblings, and Ryan Seacreast's bronzed douchiness--then at least for Simon Cowell, the shining beacon of sanity whose cutting judgment is nearly always right.

Since at least the late seventeenth century, a hillside in Cerne Abbas, England, has been adorned by a 180-foot-long carving of a club-wielding giant. The figure also sports an impressive erection (it would translate to almost 11 inches on an average male frame), and has thus long been revered by pagans as a fertility symbol — and been, ahem, “visited” by many a childless couple looking to get lucky.

This came out last year, but we just had to tell you how excited we are about War on Terror: The BoardGame. According to the game's website, for 47 bucks, you get to:

"Send secret messages; fund terrorism; make deals; renege on deals; wage war; expand your empire; forge secret alliances; fund regime changes; kidnap politicians; be the terrorists."

Allegedly, anyway. According to porn star and blogger Barbie Cummings in an interview with ABC News, Tennessee Highway Patrol Trooper James Randy Moss caught her with booze and prescription pills during what was supposed to be a routine traffic stop (92 in a 70). Cummings, a Knoxville resident who travels to LA here and there to film movie scenes, says she started to panic upon learning from Moss that the charge would prevent her from traveling over state lines.

Photos: Meaghan Murray

Um . . . since when did St. Paddy's Day become an official Imperial holiday? It's weird enough that there were Stormtroopers marching in Southie last week . . . but it turns out we weren't the only ones with an infestation of Irish Star Wars fans. Thanks to Meaghan for the snaps.

A one-time budding academic who for existential reasons drops out of Colombia University to work as a hot dog vendor, Mortimer Taylor Coleridge doesn’t even like pop music. Nor is he familiar with VH1, the channel on which he first comes across Gwen. But it isn’t long after the encounter that he’s carefully considering No Doubt’s lyrics and patroling message boards for clues about his ain true love's character.

Sorry for the delay, but we didn't want to disrespect The OC.

1. Patrick sworn in:
Expect Mitt to announce his national intentions soon.

2. Dems take over Congress
It's all official.

3. Warner screws everything up
Making DVDs compatible with both Blu-Ray and HD-DVD.

4. Tomlinson wins MVP