PARIS HILTON and Lampoon magazine photoshop story time BONANZA

Paris Hilton is hot, like little, throbbing, imaginary, pink hearts follow her around everywhere she goes.

"You people are so hot! Harvard is so hot!" she said, as she accepted her award of Woman of the Year from Harvard’s Lampoon magazine yesterday.

Lampoon’s editorial staff stood in the drizzle. Hilton fans pushed each other into puddles. Through it all the heiress, in a platinum-blonde bob and steel-grey cashemere coat, posed and autographed copies of Lampoon — and somebody's Penguin Classic.

When shoved a book with the word “Party” in the title, Hilton exclaimed that she too likes to party. When asked what her new movie The Hottie and the Nottie is about, Hilton responded: "A hot girl and an ugly boy.” She is just so herself all the time that I think most of us swooned. Then it got very hard to breath in the crowded puddle. Paris's hand looked strained and her hair risked falling flat. And more and more of the boys in bow ties started trying to talk to her. That's when she became sort of like a real-life hottie.

People really eat this shit up, you know?