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February 28, 2006

Get drunk, get naked: There's a new Real World!

We feel obliged to talk about this, especially since we've been woefully lacking in our coverage of the Real World/Road Rules Challenge: The Gauntlet 2. MTV debuted its newest Real World, this time on Key West. And we may say it every time MTV trots out a new cast, even though we pretty much know what happens when people stop being polite and start getting real, but this gang's got a chance to be something special.

This has the hookup potential, cattiness, ultra-sheltered housemates, and, for some odd reason, MTV scheduled it to be shot in the middle of hurricane season. We doubt it will end up being all great by the end of it (Nothing can top the slap of Seattle, the "wasn't not funny" of LA, and, of course, Ruthie), but we do know this: the first episode gave us some good comedy, especially when one housemate (token meathead "Johnny Bananas") tried to load the dishwasher with dish soap (instead of detergent.) And while that was overflowing, Tyler (token catty gay guy) was unable to find his can opener, so he tried to open a can of tuna by banging on it with an ice cream scooper. It was almost like 2001. Then while they were cleaning up the dishwasher, Tyler made a Katrina joke. Too soon.

The rest of the rundown: Paula (token blonde) seems legitimately insane. Svetlana (token drama-fueled girl) is the one who's about to cheat on her boyfriend. Janelle (token "strong-willed" woman) is the one who will probably start the best fights with her roommates. Zach (token trust-fund baby, if Tyler is to be believed) does not drink or do drugs, even though everyone thinks he does. And Jose (token guy who's almost from the area) will get the Mohammed-from-San Francisco award as this year's "guy who quickly realizes he has better stuff to do and will not appear on camera for more than twenty minutes the whole season."

Anyway, we promise to try to stay on top of this as much as possible.

February 27, 2006

Fox's influence on MySpace begins to show

If you were watching The Simpsons on Fox last night (a pretty good one, by the way), you probably saw an ad for a show called Free Ride. Free Ride appears to be one of those quirky, laugh track-free sitcoms in the mold of Arrested Development and The Office. And it's getting a big push thanks to a teaser on Myspace (click the link if you want to watch it.)
At this point, there's nothing new about a show getting its own MySpace profile (along with a big publicity boost) - The Office did the same thing last year. But this show airs on Fox, which, as you know, is owned by Rupert Murdoch, who now also owns...Myspace. Does this mean that there will be fewer and fewer "promo profiles" for non-Fox related shows and movies? Is American Dad going to ask to be my friend? Do these MySpace promo things even work?

And where was all this marketing muscle when it could have maybe saved Arrested Development?



(We found the image on Screenhead; it's worth checking out their bigger version) February 23, 2006

The Empire Strikes (Broke) Back: I wish I knew how to quit R2

These Brokeback parody trailers got old a little fast in our view, but we still found this one mildly amusing:

Star Wars: Brokeback Empire



(via Youtube, of course)

And with that, we think the joke has run its course. Yes, you "Jokeback Mountains," we do know how to quit you. February 23, 2006

Kid Rock, Scott Stapp sex video blocked by court. Write your congressman.

Just when Slop Culture had added Kidrocksextape.com and Scottstappsextape.com to our bookmark folder, Rock and Stapp had to get all upitty and take Redlight Entertainment (the brains behind the release of "One Night in Paris") to court to stop the release of a 45-minute long video featuring the "rock" stars getting blown by a bunch of groupies. 

Judge John "Buzzkill" Feikens said that Redlight had violated privacy and trademark rights, and in the process Feikens deprived the world of ever seeing Scott Stapp's orgasm face (other than what we all saw in the "When Eyes Wide Open" video.)



...then I asked the blonde one to cup my balls."
February 21, 2006

8 bit Legos

Boing Boing via Wonderland brings us this Flickr user's page of classic NES games rendered using Legos. All that's missing from Lego Metal Gear is the poorly translated English.

"Oh no! The truck have started to move!"

February 17, 2006

Fall Out Boy Andrew (Emo Sucks) Mathas' new video: "Interpretation of Brand New"

On his quest to interpret (and thus destroy) all things emo, filmmaker Andrew Mathas follows up his groundbreaking "Interpretation of Fall Out Boy," with this little clip set to Brand New's song "The Quiet Things No One Ever Knows." The sound kicks in after about 30 seconds, don't be alarmed.

UPDATE: Read the Phoenix's interveiw with Andrew Mathas.

February 15, 2006

Did Tom Cruise write an angry e-mail to Fark.com?

Boing Boing and Fark bring us news that Drew Curtis, the brains behind Fark, received an e-mail from a grammatically impaired, irate and anonymous poster whose IP address came from Paramount studios. The e-mail came after Fark linked to this story (just like us!) about the breakup of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes with a Fark headline that referenced Scientology. All this leads Curtis to believe it may have come from Cruise himself. Check it out:

I can't believe that people actually read and or believe this bull shit that is posted on fark.com. This is the first time I have been to fark.com and definatly the last. Considering I am witness to a lot of shit that goes on in hollywood, its hard to post some complete bull shit rumor say about tom cruise and katie holmes breaking up when they are sitting in front of you acting completely normal and sane. You guys must have small penis's since you have to make up shit for people to notice you. Hate to be with you in bed. Dumb shits! You may think I am, at least Im getting rich off being honest and not lieing to everyone in the fucking world.

We don't know if it was or wasn't him - Boing Boing claims there are experts who think it may be true. But whoever sent it was using Firefox, which, to us, makes it seem unlikely.

In the meantime, if Katie really is newly single, might we suggest she hook up with Celtics guard/true romantic Delonte West? Check out what he told ESPN.com about his ideal romantic evening:

"So, I pick her up in my white convertible. From there, I'd have the music pumping on the radio. The Jim Jones pumping, you know, 'Summer in Miami' song pumping. Got to keep a little gangsta, you can't be too soft. You can't be in there playing some guy that's crying, talking about don't leave me and love me baby, wah wah and all that. So Jim Jones pumping and then from there, wind blowing through the hair, boom, we get straight to the point -- we eat afterwards because I don't want to kiss no onions. I don't want to kiss you tasting like onions and steak and mushrooms and everything"

February 15, 2006

Uncle Owen Dies. Now you can finally go to Toshi station to pick up some power converters

His name was Phil Brown. He was born in Cambridge. He died of of pneumonia Thursday at the Motion Picture and Television Country House and Hospital in California. He was 89.

Why was he such a bastard to poor Luke? Maybe 'cause he was blacklisted in the 1950s as a Commie (he claims he wasn't), and had to move to London. There he landed the role as Owen Lars, and got to spend the rest of his celluloid days drinking blue milk in the hot desert suns.

Best Uncle Owen quotes:

"All right shut up." (to C3PO)

"Hey, what're you trying to push on us?" (to a Jawa)

"You can waste time with your friends when your chores are done.
Now come on, get to it!"

"Well, he'd better have those units in the South Ridge repaired by midday, or there'll be hell to pay."

But perhaps the best quote came from the cutting room floor, when Biggs tells Luke: "Your uncle could hold off a whole colony of Sandpeople with one blaster." Damn straight.

The Owen Lars and Aunt Beru (Charred) action figure set has spiked in value since Phil Brown's death.

February 13, 2006

Vader Valentines

from the somethingawful.com photoshop crew.






February 13, 2006

Shotgun + Dick + Cheney + Quail =Resident Evil 5

  +    +     =

File under: let God sort 'em out. Vice President Dick Cheney shot a fellow hunter, Austin lawyer Harry Whittington, this weekend in Texas. Birdshot in the face.
Whittington "came up from behind the vice president and the other hunter and didn't signal them or indicate to them or announce himself,"  Katherine Armstrong, owner of the ranch where the two were hunting, told the A.P. "The vice president didn't see him. The covey flushed and the vice president picked out a bird and was following it and show. And by God, Harry was in the line of fire and got peppered pretty good."
Whittington is listed instable condition and looks like he'll pull through. Writers for Leno, Letterman and Stewart, are now the ones under the gun. Who will write the best line to this ultimate of ironies? Will it have have a mention of body armor? Halliburton? Scooter? Check back in this space on Tuesday morning for the recap (we've got ten bucks that one of Leno's lame writers will make a Dan Quayle reference). Though not much will be able to top Jim Brady's incredibly punctual: "Now I understand why Dick Cheney keeps asking me to go hunting with him. I had a friend once who accidentally shot pellets into his dog - and I thought he was an idiot," and wife Sarah's: "I've thought Cheney was scary for a long time. Now I know I was right to be nervous."

February 10, 2006

John Lennon, Freddie Mercury action figures

Freddie's facial likeness is spot on, but his trousers could use some fluffing. Both 18-inch tall figures will feature motion activated sound with authentic voices.

Will be in stores in late Spring, retailing for around 40 bucks each. From NECA, the toymakers that brought us Kill Bill and Scarface figures. Check Slop Culture over the next week for reports on the 40 Year-old Virgin  doll and Shaun of the Dead figures. February 08, 2006

Watch the best music video ever: "Interpretation of Fall Out Boy"

Slop Culture has seen the future of music videos, and its name is Andrew Mathas.
While Mark Romanek employs skinny jailbait singers writhing around in their underwear and Anton Corbijn uses children dressed up as Jawas, Mathas utilizes primitive stick figures and rough cut edits to construct a vivid picture of the rollercoaster emotions of the typical emo youth while attempting to understand the intricate lyrics of Fall Out Boy's song "Sugar, We're Going Down." Powerful, powerful stuff. Click the play button below.

UPDATE: Check out the Phoenix's interview with the creator of this video, Andrew Mathas.
February 08, 2006

3 to 1 odds Janet Jones is innocent

That Rick Tocchet ("It's not a hockey-related issue, it's a football thing.") has been implicated in a national illegal betting ring is upsetting enough. But Janet Jones?! Go out and rent American Anthem, in which she was out acted by Mitch Gaylord. Ted Turner was infatuated with this woman, cause if you have ever flipped past TBS, TNT or any other of Ted's channels on any given night from 1998-2002, you would have seen Janet prancing around in her leotard. Now she's laying down Wayne's money on Poppa's Mustache in the fifth.

February 08, 2006

"Fisting Pittsburgh" Google search

Every now and then, Slop Culture will take a gander at how people have arrived at the site. Sometimes it's straight from thePhoenix.com page, sometimes it's from blog feeds, and sometimes it's from search engines. While most of you were searching for Whopperettes, rolling stone+Howard Stern, steve jobs and pete doherty nude pics, one of you came to our site via the search "Fisting Pittsburgh" on google. Nothing wrong with that at all, and quite frankly, we're embarrassed that you came to Slop Culture only to find Ann Coulter fisting Fred Savage and a story about the Steelers. We're also embarrassed at the City of Pittsburgh, the city of champions, and its lack of quality fisting sites. We came up fifth on the google search! What also came up was something from the Pittsburgh-based Lesbian studies institute, whose mission is "To track, synthesize and expose the secret, social and political corruption of America's powerful government financed Lesbian Mafia." as well as something from the Comic Book Resources Forum (scroll down to the picture of Denny Crane). So the people of Pittsburgh (or even a venture capitalist from outside of Pittsburgh), get your shit together. FistingPittsburg.com is available!

February 07, 2006

Scarlett Johansson and Keira Knightley nude in Vanity Fair

The issue comes out tomorrow. It was shot by Annie Leibovitz. And it is not what guys are looking for when they type into google "Scarlett Johansson and Keira Knightley nude." And the guys that typed in "Scarlett Johansson and Keira Knightley and Rachel McAdams nude" will be really disappointed. McAdams pulled out at the last minute, ruining the fantasy by making art director Tom Ford step in her place. We've included a pic of McAdams. Print it out, cut it out and paste it on the head of Ford. Should do the trick. Anjelina Jolie is nude inside. Not that anyone hasn't seen that before.

So here's to 16-year-old boys buying the issue and reading James Wolcott. And they say print is dead.

This of course comes on the heels of Lindsay Lohan nude in Vanity Fair. Apparently, if you're over 22 years old, there's no way you're getting on that fuckin cover naked.

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