November 30, 2007
As the txt world turns.
Yesterday, staff writers everywhere cried. BUT, no matter tears bursting through lacrimal glands like the pink sea that is pure, salty, pop culture flotsam… we still do not know, WE DON’T KNOW!, whether Britney Spears, GASP!, is IN FACT!, IN TRUTH!, IN TXT!, preggers or not.
The news that Britney Spears is pregnant with her third child was both confirmed and vehemently denied yesterday via txts from J.R. Rotem and Sam Lufti, respectively. The flurry started when In Touch Weekly revealed this week’s cover with the headline “YES, SHE’S PREGNANT!” in PINK. According to the tabloid, Britney’s “lover” J.R. Rotem, a/k/a Jr Rotem (Work), txted “Its true” in response to txt: “They are saying britneys pregnant and you’re the father…” (SEE ABOVE!! OMG!! STRAIGHT TO THE POINT TXT!!)
But in a predictable twist of txting events, Ryan Seacrest later received a txt from Sam Lufti txting that the other txt was a fake txt, a completely fake txt, etc. Unfortunatly, Seacrest did not photograph this txt.
More frustrating that Seacrest’s inaptitude with camera phones is the small, very small, almost infinitesimal chance that "Jr Rotem (Work)" could, in fact, be anybody.
In the meantime, some publications, MSNBC, can't even get their subheads straight!
Who's on the cover now, Bitch?!
November 21, 2007
Welcome to the first ever SLOP CULTURE CORNUCOPIA. 'Tis the season for Oprah, Paris Hilton sex tapes, and the Bachelor — which I would have live blogged had it NOT actually been THE MOST DRAMATIC ROSE CEREMONY EVER.
Oprah
O no. Caitlin already Phlogged about this… But! as a supplement to her post, here are the five worst/sorry excuses for favorite things on Oprah’s worst/sorry/sorry/sorry list of favorite things:
5. PERFECT ENDINGS CUPCAKES FROM WILLIAMS-SONOMA
Worst... Cupcakes from a houseware distribution center. Puh-leese.
Sorry... Mail-order cupcakes... They are probably terribly unhappy cups couped up in a box. Poor. Frosty. Dears.
4. THE MELAMINE BOWLS, MEASURING CUPS AND SPOONS ALSO FROM WILLIAMS-SONOMA
Worst What is this? A commercial for Williams-Sonoma? OPRAH.
Sorry I feel sorry for anyone who puts measuring cups on their list of FAVORITE THINGS. Get a real favorite thing. Or choose from: Kara-Walker-inspired badges by Ann Demeulemeester, Barbie by Patricia Field, Booty Bling!, or Thunderbird Minnetonka Moccasins, coo.
3. CLARISONIC SKIN CARE SYSTEM
Worst $195 wash rag.
Sorry I used to want the $195+ zit zapper/suction-cup device, when I was 12.
2. O'S GUIDE TO LIFE
WORST: Why would I want to be seen with this?
SORRY: Why would I want to be seen with this!
1. THE DISCO MOM TREND
Paris Hilton
In honor of Paris Hilton’s new??/old?? sex tape, we introduce: THE PARIS HILTON HOT FACE COLLAGE (see below).
Insert thoughts here _.
EXTENDED BACHELOR SLOP REVIEW TO COME... in the meantime read this.
November 16, 2007
There are no words.
Slop Culture presents THE SEXIEST SLIDESHOW ALIVE. CLICK HERE! IT'S SEXY!
November 15, 2007
You know you are Royal Highness dreaminess when you can successfully voice a cartoon Lord in drag (see below).
David Bowie's stint as LRH (Lord Royal Highness) on the one-hour SpongeBob SquarePants special this week drew the biggest ratings in the show's history. SUCH is the POWER of animated Psychedelic-folk-rock-glam-rock/Labyrinth superstars. Sigh. David Bowie for Lord Royal Highness of the UNIVERSE and my MIND. I am a cartoon groupie.
The Lord. The hotness.
November 15, 2007
Regina Spektor rushed to hospital...
November 15, 2007
I don't want your elephants.
Is Paris Hilton saving binge-drinking elephants or not? YOU DECIDE.
Slop AP can’t seem to get it straight.
THE CORRECTIVE:
GAUHATI, India - In a Nov. 13 story, The Associated Press incorrectly reported that Paris Hilton was praised by conservationists for highlighting the problem of binge-drinking elephants in northeastern India. Lori Berk, a publicist for Hilton, said she never made any comments about helping drunken elephants in India.
The AP
THE INCORRECT, FUNNY, REALLY OVER-THE-TOP, AND WRONG STORY:
Hilton turns 'boozy jumbo champion'
1 day ago
Socialite and drink-driving jailbird Paris Hilton has become an unlikely champion for conservationists trying to highlight the plight of binge-drinking elephants in north-eastern India.
Hilton made what appeared to be a few throwaway comments after hearing how six wild elephants that broke into a farm in the state of Meghalaya were electrocuted after drinking supplies of home-made rice beer then uprooting an electricity pole.
"There would have been more casualties if the villagers hadn't chased them away. And four elephants died in a similar way three years ago. It is just so sad," Hilton said last week.
The AP
Can’t a hoary (I mean hoary) socialite catch a break? Besides, if AP were a true news agency, they’d know: last week: Paris Hilton, "Socialite and drink-driving jailbird". This week: Paris Hilton, Desperate socialite with pole-dancing tendencies.
November 08, 2007
Juicy Couture is planning a pet line... Juicy Crittoure. FIERCE.
Watch as dogs in pink wigs hump each other and more. (It's towards the end, somewhere between advertisements for Pawfum, Coif Fur Conditioner, Shampooch, and Pawlish.)
Is it sick I think surfer dog is hot?
November 01, 2007
...from bed.
