But do you know who is?
These hot-ass jerks:
Except the dude in the middle. That's their dad.
JK all the way! Actually, no, it's Jann Wenner, and he's clearly one hip and happening fella to allow the six trend-setting quota-fillers behind him into the venerable Rolling Stone offices. Where he routinely has desk inspections. These guys and gals are probably exempt from that cause they're really pretty. What fun!
So this is MTV's latest push for cracking a new angle in the reality TV market. Where Miss Seventeen failed (Atoosa Rubenstein is a genius EIC, though not very lovable on-camera -- what a meany mouth!), Wenner hopes to win big and score happy good publicity with I'm From Rolling Stone. These kids are competing for a gonzo internship at this shining beacon of a music magazine, and by golly, they'll fight for it! They'll battle the crowds at SXSW for a scoop! They'll dig for the story, and then they'll crush hipster skulls and eat them! They'll quaintly sing along to Elton John on a bus, just like in Almost Famous, and they'll fucking enjoy it! They'll tell you to stop playing Talking Heads and turn on something so much better and more palatable, like Clap Your Hands Say Yeah! There may be real tears. There may even be a combination of unintentional irony with a dash of stupidity. And I, like many music fans and writer-types, will be laughing at all of it, and also, obviously, inevitably, micro-managing a fine-tuned set of jealousy issues.
Until the first ep airs on Jan 5, I've been occupying myself with Idolator's coverage, not to mention the bitchin' cast Q&As helpfully provided by RS. Here's a smidgen of hate for you to chew on, brought to you by Krystal Simpson (a/k/a hot blonde kate moss-ish hippie). Sickening narcissism tastes so good:
What got you interested in writing?Very early on, teachers told me I had a talent for it and I always really enjoyed doing it. I never really thought that it would be my career, but I was always writing. When I was still in college I started writing a column for the local newspaper. I submitted my résumé and they thought I had graduated college and was already done with everything, and I was like, “Well, no . . . .” But they still wanted me to do it.
Here is pleasant response to Krystal's Q&A on the comment fucktard board:
ur favorite poet | 12/16/2006, 2:48 pm EST
hey sexy bitch! the way you look has nothing to do with the quality of your writing. I know since cuz I edit two magazines and get tons of syrupy grandmother’s slippers poems/narratives. Your writing will be what people remember. Not your hot sense of style. Let’s go shopping monday!love you!! maria tabor
Get ready for some serious, quality programming. And probably the only thing that will steal viewers away from Friday night Degrassi reruns on the N. Oh, MTV, you sick, sick, twisted, amazing conglomerate. I fucking love you. I really do.
STEPHEN COLBERT ACCEPTS THE DECEMBERISTS’ COUNTER-COUNTER CHALLENGE EPIC GUITAR DUEL TO TAKE PLACE DECEMBER 20 ON COMEDY CENTRAL (New York, NY) – Stephen Colbert, of basic cable television program “The Colbert Report,” has formally accepted a counter-counter challenge from The Decemberists, setting the stage for an epic battle on par with Ali vs. Frazier, Scopes v. State and Kramer vs. Kramer. The winner-take-all guitar duel will take place on Wednesday, December 20th at 11:30 pm ET/PT on Comedy Central’s “The Colbert Report.” The first stone was cast on November 29th when Colbert used the debut of a segment entitled “Look Who’s Riding My Coattails Now” to lambaste the band for their mtvU-sponsored “Re-Animate the Decemberists” contest (www.mtvu.com/reanimatethedecemberists). For the contest the band performed new single “O Valencia!” in front of a “green screen” and asked college students nationwide to create animation for the video’s backdrop. Colbert alleged that the band stole the concept from a contest he had earlier staged: www.colbertnation.com “Let’s see how well they perform their trademark brand of hyper-literate prog-rock when I’m slicing off their legs at the knee,” said Colbert, brandishing a Star Wars-style light saber to underscore his contentiousness. “Oh yes. They will feel the pain.” The band responded on music website Pitchfork, defending itself of the charge and upping the stakes with a counter challenge: the “Decemberists vs. Stephen Colbert Guitar Solo Challenge.” “Put down the pen, Colbert, and pick up the axe! Let's see what kind of a man you really are,” said the band in a statement, adding, for dramatic effect, “Let's SHRED!” //www.pitchforkmedia.com/page/news/2006/11/30/Exclusive_Decemberists_Counterchallenge_Colbert#39928 The story, stick with us here, now picked up by ACTUAL national news outlets including the Associated Press, led Colbert to accept the challenge. “Decemberists, I accept your counter-counter challenge,” he said. “At last we'll see who reigns supreme.” //tinyurl.com/yj2yfz Decemberists multi-instrumentalist Chris Funk, anointed as the band’s warrior-incarnate, will now face off with Colbert in a blood-frenzy of guitar mayhem and pyrotechnics on the December 20 episode of “The Colbert Report,” airing on Comedy Central at 11:30 pm ET/PT (check local listings). The show will repeat on Thursday, December 21 at 8:30 am, 2:30 pm and 8:30 pm ET/PT and also at www.comedycentral.com. Two will enter, one will leave…. The Decemberists, whose recent album “The Crane Wife” is enjoying considerable acclaim, will celebrate the sweet taste of victory (is that nutmeg?) by spending the holidays with their families. Dates for a spring U.S. tour will be announced soon
EPIC GUITAR DUEL TO TAKE PLACE DECEMBER 20
ON COMEDY CENTRAL
The first stone was cast on November 29th when Colbert used the debut of a segment entitled “Look Who’s Riding My Coattails Now” to lambaste the band for their mtvU-sponsored “Re-Animate the Decemberists” contest (www.mtvu.com/reanimatethedecemberists). For the contest the band performed new single “O Valencia!” in front of a “green screen” and asked college students nationwide to create animation for the video’s backdrop. Colbert alleged that the band stole the concept from a contest he had earlier staged:
www.colbertnation.com
“Let’s see how well they perform their trademark brand of hyper-literate prog-rock when I’m slicing off their legs at the knee,” said Colbert, brandishing a Star Wars-style light saber to underscore his contentiousness. “Oh yes. They will feel the pain.”
The band responded on music website Pitchfork, defending itself of the charge and upping the stakes with a counter challenge: the “Decemberists vs. Stephen Colbert Guitar Solo Challenge.”
“Put down the pen, Colbert, and pick up the axe! Let's see what kind of a man you really are,” said the band in a statement, adding, for dramatic effect, “Let's SHRED!”
//www.pitchforkmedia.com/page/news/2006/11/30/Exclusive_Decemberists_Counterchallenge_Colbert#39928
The story, stick with us here, now picked up by ACTUAL national news outlets including the Associated Press, led Colbert to accept the challenge. “Decemberists, I accept your counter-counter challenge,” he said. “At last we'll see who reigns supreme.”
//tinyurl.com/yj2yfz
Decemberists multi-instrumentalist Chris Funk, anointed as the band’s warrior-incarnate, will now face off with Colbert in a blood-frenzy of guitar mayhem and pyrotechnics on the December 20 episode of “The Colbert Report,” airing on Comedy Central at 11:30 pm ET/PT (check local listings). The show will repeat on Thursday, December 21 at 8:30 am, 2:30 pm and 8:30 pm ET/PT and also at www.comedycentral.com. Two will enter, one will leave….
The Decemberists, whose recent album “The Crane Wife” is enjoying considerable acclaim, will celebrate the sweet taste of victory (is that nutmeg?) by spending the holidays with their families. Dates for a spring U.S. tour will be announced soon
For the last hour I felt like I was in an arcade in the late ‘80s, trying desperately to finish a game whose new mechanics still seemed cool after quarter number three, only to stop being fun mere seconds later. I was actually on a MacBook here at The Phoenix playing The Act, which felt like the hell spawn of Dragon’s Lair, Leisure Suit Larry, and cracking a safe—it’s exactly as fun as it sounds. The game is based around what is essentially a video editor’s jogging tool, which I use to navigate specific instances of a clichéd cartoon (complete with those “You’re not a real doctor!” moments of vaudevillian hilarity). Each level asks me to guide the nebbish protagonist through awkward social situations, turning the jogging knob to interact with the people and world around him with one-to-ten dynamics. I feel like a human applause meter rating bands at a sock-hop.In the end, I get the girl of my dreams, save my brother from getting a lobotomy, and want to write an angry letter to Nintendo for making the conventional controller no longer cool to develop for.-- Sean Bartlett
STRUT: "Al Gore will help me."
Yesterday, following a series of emails debating whether Collie (FYI: semi-slutty "cool girl" chick on Real World: Denver who's obsessed with boning Alex, the pretty punk kid who looks like he spends more time tweezing his eyebrows than I do) has a full-on man face or a kind-of-man-face, the SloCult crew exchanged words on the latest La Lohan gaff. Now, maybe we shouldn't be perpetuating the madness that causes her to send screeds like this from her Blackberry in response to a single Page Six item (no spellcheck on the latest model, Linz?).
But seeing as her disturbing, mental downward spiral makes for better watercooler fodder than Britney's lack of underwear, we don't really feel the need to stop. In fact -- we're all the more encouraged. The full letter from Crazy is pasted for your reading pleasure below, just in case you were too busy to seek it out yesterday in between reading the Iraq Study Group report:
“Subject: The way of the future-Howard Hughes once said. I am willing to release a politically/morally correct, fully adequite letter to the press if any of you are willing to help. Simply to state my oppinions on how our society should be educated on for the better of our country. Our people. Also because I have such an impact on our younger generations, as well as generations older than me. Which we all know and can obviously see. People are just mean. I am going to proceed with putting LR to court if need be for what she's done to me. Its my life. I want to live it. People cannot lie and think that it is okay to continue on having done so. Simply because they will do it again to someone else, and that is not alright with me. I have had many ups and downs, as do we all.
But to make false accusations to one girl is unjust in my oppinion. Having said this, I am willing to do anything I need to get my life the way it should be and the way I work for it to be.. And have thus far in my career. Let's sue the tabloids for saying the things they say. Defamation of character. Amongst other illegal accusations, I will repeat this over and over to make my point. I am not fully aware of what these, again, accusations are, but I am fully and eagerly prepared to learn them. Have harvey and all lawyers help me please. If he is willing. Al Gore will help me he came up to me last night and said he would be very happy to have a conversation with me. If he is willing to help me, let's find out. Hilary Clinton, Bill Clinton, and Evan metroplis, and John Daur who works with them would be willing, if we just ask. If we just ASK. I'd really like to fix things and refuse to stop on any account for these unintelligent, vulgar people who like to hurt other people. Not just me, but everyone. I'm willing to hold a press conference and I will do anything necessary to do so. In putting an end to 'these people' trying to put an end to me and belittle me as well as try to be the demise of me after all I've gone through and done at such a young and tender age in a womans life. Its enough already, I've had enough and I am going to be the one to make a change. For all of my fellow actors, friends, people I admire and for those I've lost in the recent days, years, months. I do believe the focus in the world has misplaced and directed in the wrong directions and I am willing to be the one to help change that and use my celebrity status to move the focalpoint /(s) of the press to the real issues that we have going on as we speak. Anyone that is willing to help and has a family member or friend, even co-worker that is in a position to be involved in any way, shape or form, please contact me, Jenni Muro, Leslie Sloane, Michael Heller, Jason Sloane, Jason Weinberg as soon as you can or are willing. Just ask them, it doesn't hurt to ask. So let's start now, rather than waste time. Do you agree? Because I'm doing it either way. The way of the future. Thank you for your time. Your Entertainer, Lindsay Lohan Sent wirelessly via BlackBerry from T-Mobile."
SPLIT: Jen's all alone again
Jesus, is late fall break-up season in Hollywood or something? Reese and Ryan, Britney and K-Fed, Pam and Kid, Adam and Rachel, and now Vinifer are totally over as well, gossip-grubbers at the Post report. Who else is on the chopping block?
Poor Jen. The man of her dreams, the Hot Stud with Real Aspirations, dumps her for Angie (who really ought to try to take Bolton's job at the U.N. -- she'd do it up right, Jolie-style, and adopt the entire Third World Nation). So what does Jen do? She rebounds, and it's easy, because Vince is right there on the set of The Break-Up. He's Charming and Sorta Cute in a Goofy Good Guy Way. He idolized her in the way Brad never would. It must've been really comforting. Took the edge off, nice and easy. Like a morphine addiction in lieu of physical therapy. But now Jen's a junkie cut from her connections. What the shit? No prospects waiting in the wings. No hit show. No hit movies of late. Time ticking by. Ouch. Somebody's going to need a lot of pre-holiday therapy, I think.
And the worst part? Laura Mallory Lane, the Texas college student Vince supposedly cheated on Jen with, has hair circa Brenda Walsh first season 90210. That whole weird side-part tidal-wave thing. It's heinous.
Thank goodness Jen pays close attention to the value of good grooming. Perhaps, in a misguided attempt to cheer herself up, she'll have her stylist invent the new hot hairstyle for 2007. Coming soon to a Super Cuts near you!
Too bad that won't keep her warm at night.
But really, I'm too emotionally distraught by the news to focus on his single status.
IT'S OVER: The O.C. lovebirds call it quits
Via Gawker's Gossip Roundup, I've just learned that yours and my favorite celeb couple, Adam Brody and Rachel Bilson, are no longer in <3 anymore. Life & Style, Molly Good, and E! Online concur.
E! reporter Kristin Veitch writes: "Now the big question, of course, is what's in store for their O.C. alter egos: Summer and Seth. Sources tell me that back in the day, when Adam and Rachel first started dating, producers told them they'd keep Seth and Summer together forever -- even if the actors ever broke up. So, hey, that's actually good news for Summer and Seth fans, no?"
Well, it would be -- if anyone had the decency to admit that they still care about The O.C. Fools. I know you're still watching.
I think Seth and Summer are this generation's Luke and Laura. A tried-and-true supercouple. Unfortunately, if Alias and One Tree Hill have taught me anything, it's that an on-set romance between two romantically linked characters spell death for the drama. People have speculated (in an off-hand, cas way -- because they don't care, remember?) that The O.C. would never survive after Mischa Barton left the show. That might have driven in the knife. These two splitting, though -- that's what will send The O.C. to its grave. AND NO. IT'S NOT OKAY.
I'll be watching the musical Seth + Summer tributes over on the 'Tube this afternoon as a way to purge my grief. God, that Snow Patrol song totally makes me want to cry. Aaargh.
Meanwhile, Zach Braff is planning his next move. Let's see what you've got, kid.
"Uh oh...!"
Let's talk shit about Lindsay Lohan, a/k/a L. Lo, a/k/a La Lohan, a/k/a Crazy Fucking Cokehead. Lindsay is always pulling off these wacky antics that provide me with a satisfying, knee-slapping chuckle. Out of everything I've come across this year, I lurved the Elle cover story on Miss Thang the most. Andrew Goldman, whoever you are...you ROOL.
Lately La Lo has been pissing me off/mesmerizing me even more than usual. She's not promoting anything new. So what's the deal with all the party heartying, absurd gestures of sympathy, and balls-out COKEHEADED LIES?
1. BoysIsn't it gross that she used to get her slam on with FEZ?! Isn't it grosser that she's probably doing the nasty right now with Jared Leto? He's all goth boy these days for that stupid "band"/circus act of his, 30 Seconds to Mars. And not hot goth like Depp in Edward Scissorhands. He's just so heinous now. I MOURN for Jordan Catalano. Seriously, I cried about it, like, yesterday, when I saw an absurdly horrible photo of J.L. on Stereogum.
"I did it!"
2. StyleAfter waffling from cracked-out blonde to black back to red and around and around and around, Bitch has gone and dyed her hair a yummy glossy brown, which looks fucking awesome and totally makes her pretty blue (when they aren't bloodshot and dilated from all the drugs) eyes pop. Not surprisingly, as a natural brunette with image problems of my own, I kinda hate her for that.
"Love me."
3. Blogging/SpellingJust before Turkey Day, Crazy Cokehead went ahead and released a grammatically-trashed statement meant to act as a tribute to director Robert Altman. Nice thought, Linds. Everyone's favorite part (me included) is her wha-bam closing suggestion to "BE ADEQUITE." Of course, her flak is understandably livid at the media's reaction. Instead of poking fun at Lindsay, she's suggesting that sorry ass writers and editors and gossip mongers just go and get a life. You're a real piece of work, Leslie Sloane Zelnick. More power to ya. What a kick!
4. LIESA few days after Thanksgiving, Psycho Lohan stumbled out of a party and uttered the following nut-bag words to the paps:"This is a video that Paris Hilton - and I'm saying this on tape - she hit me last night, for no reason apparently, at my friend's house and I didn't know she'd be there and she hit me; she hit me with a drink and poured it all over me and it hurts and it's not okay. And I'm sorry for everyone that thinks I'm crazy. I'm not; I'm just trying to act."
Then, this happened:
"Yeaaaah! Yaaaaay!"
5. General Stupid DebaucheryToday, I was treated to this edition of Page Six with the screaming headline: BOOZED-UP LINDSAY IN TIRADE. Stupid C-word made a huge a-hole of herself at last night's GQ Man of the Year Awards. First, she flipped her shit at Jessica Biel's assistant. That earned the ire of Will Ferrell, who remarked, "Who cares about that freak anymore, anyway?" That was way harsh, Will! And fucking funny. Then, Leo DiCaprio totally faced her when she tried to get the flirt on. Burn! So she had to settle for hooking up with Johnny Knoxville, only to get walked in on by her ex-boy Harry Morton. LOLZ to the max! Lohan was completely sober for the whole soirée, obvs. Cause it's not like she's been attending AA meetings or anything. What a night!
Oh, Lo Lo. What will you think of next?
