It's ridiculous that anyone would read the New York Times for music coverage. Still the sad truth is that staff critic Jon Caramanica wields serious influence over the commercial hip-hop landscape, his master narratives weaving mittens for inept writers everywhere to handle trend rappers. So with another Grammy gala toasting mediocrity upon us, I thought it was a fitting time to eviscerate his write-up of last week's Stretch and Bob reunion show

25. Pantera's Vinnie Paul -- no doubt thinking about Hendrix's guitar and that Sgt. Pepper drum -- auctions his oven on Ebay.

24. Miley Cyrus comes thiiiiiiiiiiiis close to a Vanessa Hudgens moment: wet T-shirt pix from hacked phone leaked to internet.

23. Harmonix employee recorded spilling details of Chinese Democracy; YouTube commentors beg for video to be taken down so he isn't fired

25. Pantera's Vinnie Paul -- no doubt thinking about Hendrix's guitar and that Sgt. Pepper drum -- auctions his oven on Ebay.

24. Miley Cyrus comes thiiiiiiiiiiiis close to a Vanessa Hudgens moment: wet T-shirt pix from hacked phone leaked to internet.

23. Harmonix employee recorded spilling details of Chinese Democracy; YouTube commentors beg for video to be taken down so he isn't fired.

22. Scott Storch in real-life version of Steve Martin's The Jerk.

21. Timbaland, who must be laughing his balls off at #22, on producing next Jay-Z album: "Some of the songs gonna sound like M.I.A. would rap on some of the beats. You gonna be like, 'Whoa!' But it's Jay on 'em. That means it reaches everywhere. I'mma have songs with bagpipes."

20. New Metallica album cover looks a little bit like a coffin, a lot liTuke a vagina.