It's ridiculous that anyone would read the New York Times for music coverage. Still the sad truth is that staff critic Jon Caramanica wields serious influence over the commercial hip-hop landscape, his master narratives weaving mittens for inept writers everywhere to handle trend rappers. So with another Grammy gala toasting mediocrity upon us, I thought it was a fitting time to eviscerate his write-up of last week's Stretch and Bob reunion show
We guess you know that you've officially made it when a 7-foot-tall
basketball legend serenades you at your own performance. It seems like
the plague of Bieber Fever that's been infecting everyone from little girls to middle-aged women with a nasty case of
sexually-ambiguous genital boils (just kidding, he's a virgin!) has just
claimed it's latest victim: Shaquille O'Neal.
Depressing cover albums, entertaining Kanye commentary, British alter-egos and iTunes-related woes abound as we at The Phoenix ease ourselves into the new year, one day at a time . . .
1. Swedish serenaders Peter, Bjorn and John, having initially delighted and subsequently annoyed everyone on the planet for going on three years with the absurdly catchy (and shamelessly overplayed) single "Young Folks," are finally releasing a proper follow-up to their 2006 album Writer's Block.
10. PINK IS ONE OF THE GREATEST ARTISTS OF OUR TIME. At least according to noted musical-greatness expert Scott Weiland. "Performing 'Sober' . . ., " introduceth he -- the irony of which wasn't lost on us. Not the only reason everyone's wondering what the hell that dude's on.
09. KANYE v. 1: "I WANT TO BE ELVIS." Dude, we've heard 808s