Steven Tyler: hot, hot, hot.
UPDATE: Full tour dates posted below!
Look, we all know Massachusetts is full of godless liberals and so nothing is sacerd anymore, but hey AEROSMITH: if you are going to stage a North American comeback stadium tour -- trucks, planes, supersonic sound systems, acres of automobile-driving audiences -- maybe you don't want to call it the "Global Warming" tour. I mean, if you're Gwar or Nuclear Assault, "Global Warming" makes total sense: you're making fun of stuff and also signalling your displeasure with Republican obstructionism and antiscientific voodoun at the same time. But if you're Aerosmith? Man, bros just want to drink beerz and hear "Toys in the Attic." Trust us: nobody wants an Al Gore lecture from the guy who ogles teenagers on American Idol.
Speaking of which, this just in: Aerosmith is totally hitting the road for a North American tour called "Global Warming," with opening act Cheap Trick. "The old Aerosmith is back with a vengeance and we will kick your ass and make out with yur [sic] mothers," Steven Tyler says in a press release. Perhaps this is Steve's way of saying he's contrite about ogling the teenagers. Or that he's sorry for the solo album. Or maybe the aforementioned word salad was pieced together by some smartass public relations serf confronted with 13 minutes of Tyler's quintessentially unintelligible babbledy-bop. Who knows.
As of now, only one date has been announced: July 7 in Milwaukee. The official tour announcement, including dates and venues, is expected Wednesday, with pre-sale RSVPs set to begin Thursday at livenation.com/aerosmith.
On the Aeroforceone fan-site message boards, some fans are praying that Aerosmith haven't also called their album "Global Warming." Because that would be an even sillier marketing idea than, I dunno, Aerosmith scratch tickets. In any case, bassist Tom Hamilton -- in same press release mentioned above -- says the are totes "psyched about bringing it all back for the hometown fans. We're going to break out the classics, the hits, and maybe even some of the new ones we've been banging out in the studio."
"New ones"? Oof. That oughta cool everyone off.
The Global Warming Tour - North American Dates
June 16: Minneapolis, MN; Target Center
June 19: Cleveland, OH; Quicken Loans Arena
June 22: Chicago, IL; United Center
June 27: Toronto, ON; Air Canada Centre
July 1: Uniondale, NY; Nassau Coliseum
July 3: Bristow, VA; Jiffy Lube Live
July 5: Detroit, MI; The Palace of Auburn Hills
July 7: Milwaukee, WI; Marcus Amphitheater, Summerfest
July 17: Boston, MA; TD Garden
July 21: Philadelphia, PA; Wells Fargo Center
July 24: East Rutherford, NJ; IZOD Center
July 26: Atlanta, GA; Philips Arena
July 28: Dallas, TX; American Airlines Center
July 30: Houston, TX Toyota Center
August 1: Denver, CO; Pepsi Center
August 4: Oakland, CA; Oracle Arena
August 6: Los Angeles, CA; Hollywood Bowl
August 8: Tacoma, WA; Tacoma Dome