R. Kelly is re-Trapped in the Closet

At a time when some celebrities are leaping out of the closet, jazz fingers poised, one lone artist is boldly retreating back inside. That individual, of course, is venerable R&B trailblazer R. Kelly -- a man who knows no boundaries. No, really, none. Having recently added "yodeler" to his extensive and utterly bizarre resume of accomplishments, Kelly has announced he's returning to Trapped in the Closet.

At this point, 22 chapters deep, Trapped in the Closet is an epic on par with the freaking Odyssey. Although we're pretty sure none of Homer's work included pants-shitting midget strippers, bisexual philandering spouses, or thoughtful men wielding Berettas and clumsy rhyme schemes.
And though we've come to accept the fact that no amount of pimp-midget-and-cherry-pie-drenched insanity will ever be enough to slake our insatiable desire for new Trapped in the Closet material, we're mighty pleased with this new development. In a recent video, a nattily dressed Kelly revealed that he had just finished 15 more chapters of the saga. However, he's not going to release the new installments until he's absolutely sure that "this is what you guys want from me." It is! We can only imagine what treats, what fancy, these unseen chapters might contain. Machete fights? Conjoined-twin voodoo priestesses? Maybe he'll cram in a quick donkey show? The sky's the limit, when you're dealing with a man who believes he can fly.  
| More

 Friends' Activity   Popular 
All Blogs
Follow the Phoenix
  • newsletter
  • twitter
  • facebook
  • youtube
  • rss
OTD Categories
VIDEO: Arctic Monkeys at the House of Blues
Rare Frequencies: Trouble and treble
Lady Lee's Lion's Den Playlist
HOMEWORK: Assignment #2: D-Tension
Ticket On-Sale Alert: Muse, Mariah Carey, Black Eyed...
Latest Comments
Search Blogs
Bradley’s Almanac -
Band in Boston -
Wayne & Wax -
Aurgasm -
Anti-Gravity Bunny -
Clicky Clicky -
Soul Clap -
Lemmingtrail -
Jump the Turnstyle -
Loaded Gun -
Vanyaland -
Ryan's Smashing Life -
Boston Band Crush -
Sleepover Shows -
Boston Accents -
Pilgrims of Sound -
Allston Rat City -
Playground Boston -
I Heart Noise -
On The Download Archives