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Click Tracks: Jersey Shore pulls punches, Wayne Coyne makes babies, and R. Kelly sweats his tell-all


Only two episodes deep (balls deep!) into their new "reality" show Jersey Shore, MTV is already seeing some major fallout. According to a recent article by Fox News, the network has been receiving death threats, death threats, in response to the show, which features self-proclaimed guidos behaving very, very badly. On Thursday, MTV clumsily yanked the footage of the show's most frothed-over highlight: an incident in which female cast member Snooki takes a mean right hook to the face. A dude's mean right hook. Are you happy now, Chris Brown? ARE YOU.


Do you realize ... that Wayne Coyne has a knack for making even Christmas seem strange, and sort of unsavory? After producing the mind-bendingly bizarre 2008 film Christmas on Mars (which portrayed the universe as so many female sex organs), the Flaming Lips frontman returns to holiday weirdness with this one-of-a-kind Christmas ornament: the "Silver Trembling Fetus." An alarming tchotchke, to be sure -- but fitting, considering Coyne's first foray into filmmaking involved a whole lot of bloody infants bursting out of bubbles on space women's abdomens. Hurry up and pre-order yours, they're going fast (although we believe the technical term is "quickening").
 
 
R. Kelly, R&B's resident creepster, recently announced his latest project: he's writing his memoirs. The man has already proved his lingual chops, managing to somehow convince listeners that "dresser" and "Beretta" rhyme in the epic Trapped in the Closet, so you know this is going to be good. We can only begin to imagine the literary gold (-en showers) that will fill the pages of this tome, but it's a safe bet that these tricks are not for kids. Kelly says, "I will show you the tears, fears, and sweat." We just hope he's talking about his own, not those of his underage, er, associates.



Bonafide crackpot and probable reggae genius Lee Scratch Perry can now add "Holiday Hit-Maker" to his resume. His most recent album, Repentance, includes a bonus "soca-trance" Christmas track entitled "Santa Claus" (download it here). And this song does not disappoint -- a bewildering ode to Santa, Mickey Mouse, and (did we hear this right?) fiery cocks, this track is every bit as deranged as you would expect from a man who would burn down his own studio to drive out "unclean spirits." And you thought that Dylan's acid trip of a Yuletide jingle, "Must Be Santa," was weird.
 

 
In being-awesome news, comedian and ole G Aziz Ansari (previously of Human Giant hilarity, currently upstaging Amy Poehler on Parks and Recreation) just announced he's working on a rap mix tape, to be produced by TV on the Radio's Dave Sitek. We predict that Ansari, who will be rapping under his hip-hop stage name, Raaaaaaaandy, is going to give the Lonely Island's "I'm on a Boat" a serious run for its money.



In the most appalling (read: entertaining) parent/child feud since Alec Baldwin's infamous cellular assault on his 11-year-old daughter, Courtney Love is back in the headlines. Love recently lost custody of 17-year-old daughter Frances Bean Cobain (at which time, anyone in any way acquainted with the family muttered, "Finally") and was slapped with a restraining order to boot. Oh, but we haven't even gotten to the appalling part yet: C-Love then used her rudimentary knowledge of both the internet and the English language to publicly lambaste her estranged child on Facebook in a typo-larded tirade, writing that Frances Bean was "dishonest" and "clearly deluded." She also noted that she'd prefer her daughter not to turn out like Jamie Lynn Spears. Perhaps she might have been better off advising Frances not to emulate somebody like ... well, Mom, for one.


 
Weezer already bowed out of their Boston gig due to their recent bus debacle, which left frontman Rivers Cuomo with cracked ribs and "mostly minor but very painful" internal injuries. Now they've announced that they've cancelled their January dates as well, with no current plans to reschedule. Bummed? No worries; the band has recorded yet another fascinatingwebisode documenting Cuomo's journey home. Watching Cuomo (who is possibly probably heavily medicated) roam around a barren truck stop and pour himself breakfast cereal should definitely make up for the skipped show. And then some. 
 
 
Recently, a seriously paunchy Axl Rose was caught on camera freaking the F out on an over-eager photographer at LAX. Rose then attempted to apply a soothing balm to the situation by taking to his MySpace page to anyone who plans on airing said footage and ranting: "it’s only someone else’s livelihood you media police state, no fun, spoilsport, communist bastards.” (Which now includes, we suppose, us.)
 

 
Judging from the UK's 10 best-selling singles of the decade, no one knows a musical nadir better than the Brits these days. And to prove it, the Mirror has just released their picks for the Top 10 Worst Christmas singles ever. Stuffed inside this fetid stocking, you'll find the likes of Mr. Blobby, Basshunter, and John Denver. But the crowning glory might just be Robbie Williams's "Walk This Sleigh," in which he raps about "taking a gat" to the ten lords a' leaping. See? The worst.
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