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Gay Pride music options that won't send you screaming back to the closet.


Trust me, I know: One day, some crucial gland inside of me will cough a final puff of its stuff into my bloodstream and I’ll arrive at a visceral understanding of why the prospect of paying to hear Linda Eder sing the songs of Judy Garland (as she did last night at Symphony Hall) shouldn’t make my each of cells puke in unison. That time, however, has yet to come.

As a gay who takes all aspects of his faggotry mega-seriously, whose calibration of pride shifts its median point right up against the border of flat-out arrogance, who would regularly wear rainbow suspenders were they not so wide, I am continually flummoxed at how a people who have been stereotypically credited with one tasteful, style-steering decision after another (forget I mentioned those suspenders for a sec) could find themselves at the very bottom the musical food chain with such grim regularity.

Please don’t get me wrong in this most touchy of weeks: God love us and bless us and keep us and our dreams and hopes and our rights and all that stuff; but if I have to hear another one of you ladies juh-juh-jugging on a shitty Yamaha acoustic-electric with the treble set too high, yarling about how your ex-girlfriend’s hips disappearing under the comforter reminds you of how the moon used to vanish behind the hills outside your window at Mount Holyoke in the winter or some such cowshit, I’m gonna turn straight for a day, swing by, and mess up your relationship big time.

And oommf fellas, oommf you’ve oommf got oommf to oommf step oommf up your oommf game oommf a bit. oommf  Seriously, oommf this oommf music oommf is only oommf fun when oommf I’m oommf tripping oommf and I’m not oommf always oommf  tripping.

More to the point of this post, I’m as happy as a pig in… uh… I’m really really happy that there are so many options this year for gays who can’t stands no more autopilot trance dick jockeys or open mic apocalipstick catastrophes. In fact, there’s a whole host of shit happening that demonstrates just how vast and rad our hometown gay scene really is—now if only we could find a suitable place to hang out more than once a year. Aaaaaanyway…

On Saturday, June 13, by all means, you go right ahead and hit that parade hard—and be sure to check out how Odaiko New England’s portable taiko onslaught makes the throb from the Ramrod flatbed sound like it’s coming from your high school Sanyo. And then, of course, head directly to the block party of your choosing. You know the drill.

(I, for one, will be at a baby shower in Grafton while all of you are sucking Bud Light from those weird aluminum bottle-things and frottaging your ways back and forth across the party. To prove I’m not jealous we’re just not gonna talk about the block party anymore. There.)

Later that evening, there are plenty of familiar places with strobe lights to fritter away your Pride night in the crowded isolation of a trance-wash, but I’d rather see Angela perform:


And lucky me! They’ll be at the Midway Saturday night for the Pride installment of THE NEIGHBORHOOD. I saw the electrotrash stylings of ANGELA once at Jacque’s and I left with little vegetable oil stains on my jacket. They had mayonnaise too I think. Not sure if they always do that. What they do always do is throw down a sick, high-energy, set of jams (whether DJing or busting out their own stuff—of which they’ll do both tonight) that usually have something to do with being penetrated or having your business tossed about and other such things. DJ D'HANA will also be running the decks, spinning everything from ‘80s funk to ‘90s tech to electro, indie and all manner of scattered classics.

The Neighborhood @ The Midway Café | 3496 Washington St., Jamaica Plain | Saturday June 13 @ 9 pm | 21+ | $5

D’hana, will also be on the wheels (or pods, or something) the following night, June 14, for the debut night of KIKI which, according to organizer DJ LONE WOLF (who will also be spinning, along with Home Away’s RIZZLA), “is the only queer party in the city with a commitment to hip-hop, electro, dancehall, and soca music.”  I hope there’s at least one chiropractor in the city with a commitment to what will happen after this party. There’s a preview micromix on their Facebook page (seeing some Shontelle, Rye Rye and Yo Majesty up in there), but if you haven’t checked out (read: taken over) the new Milky Way space, this might be the time to do it, young gays.

Kiki @ The Milky Way | 284 Amory St., Jamaica Plain | Sunday, June 14 | 21+ | FREE 

 

If all this talk of Jamaica Plain is giving you a pre-emptive case of the 39 shivers, head over to Machine on Sunday night (Sox are off in Philly! Fuckwitted steakhead count slashed!) for the debut of the burgeoning queer-friendly rock collective LOUD AND QUEER. This collision of shirtless bartenders, queer rock and the option of a darn good shoeshine has been a long time coming in Boston, and it feels so right. On the bill: Brighton’s venerable UGLY FUCKLINGS, whose gnarly rock tirades often…well, look at the picture up there. Elsewise, SHARK  —a trio featuring members of Apse, Chaplinesque and Instructions rock a kind Bauhaus meets Verve meets Veuve kind of vibe. They’ll be playing tracks off their debut full-length, which they’ll be releasing at the show.  Between set jams will be provided by DJs JOSEPH COLBOURNE (mind-melting long lost dancefloor gems) and DJ SUN ONE (house, Afro-beats and Latin), and it’s all hosted by MC SANT 1 (of Zullo). Hit this party hard and heads up for flying jockstraps during the guitar solos.

Loud and Queer @ Machine | 1254 Boylston St., Boston | Sunday, June 14 @ 9 pm

 

That oughta do you for the weekend. But for those of us who just haven’t gotten all that teeming, unruly pride out of our systems in time for its closing, the rest of June has some choice options as well. On June 18, the Middle East hosts WORK, an after-pride dance party helmed by the aforementioned D'HANA, RIZZLA, JOSEPH COLBOURNE and (so this isn’t a complete flashback to other parties you attended) DJ CHRIS EWEN  of Heroes. Vaudevillian dragster JOHNNY BLAZES hosts. (And for the bears out there, the Middle East security staff is like your version of Baywatch).

Work @ Middle East Downstairs | 472 Mass. Ave., Cambridge | Thursday, June 18 @ 9 pm | $5 for 21+, $15 for 18 – 21

Worth tossing in here are three new regular gay nights specializing in overtly non-horrible musics that may be showing up fashionably late to the Pride proceedings, but will hopefully run long into our big, exciting homosexual future. Middlesex’s REVIVAL (June 22) has been chock-full of hot young things who look like they could use a sandwich but would rather dance.

Zuzu will be sliding the tables to the side for the increasingly mad gay throwdown that is FRUITCAKE (June 30). And David Dancer’s THIS IS WHY THEY HATE US at the Alchemist Lounge (June 27) will be replete with post-punk, electro, indie-dance and tequila-lime hot wings. 

So there you have it! There's actually a reassuringly hefty selection of stuff going on that has nil to do with John Digweed. Our little scene may be all clustery and scattershot, but Pride is that one time of year when all of us can smash into each other like the horny little particles we are. And remember, if it all just gets overwhelming and you absolutely have to hound the DJ for a scrap of Cher, go ahead and do it. Like we've been trying to tell the world this whole time, we're only human. 

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