A Child Bride's Garden of Verse: The ABC's of Courtney Stodden Tweets

Although she seems to suffer from a very specific brain injury that turns every mundane object into a throbbing orifice, the intrepid Courtney Stodden retains her love for the written word. Through her prolific Twitter feed, the 17-year-old wife of 51-year-old character actor Doug Hutchison shows a masterful grasp of alliteration. Sometimes it seems as though Stodden is just like any other teenage poetess, but instead of a diary, she has the Internet; and instead of poetry, she writes aphorisms about smooshing her tits together. What’s certain is that Stodden is wise beyond her years — or at least looks it.

Who better to teach us our ABCs? To follow are Stodden’s actual tweets. No, really, she said these things on the Internet.

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