How Come Every Time a Black Hipster Rises a White Asshole Has to Tear Him Down?

When white people co-opt black styles - like I’ve been doing for years - we get everlasting shit from everybody; white folks loathe our posing, and black folks spite our biting. But when black kids embrace the heroin-chic dungarees that corny Caucasians like my uncle squeezed into back in 1974 - they still get props.

At least from Dayo Olopade, the Washington-based reporter whose “The Rise of the Black Hipster” appeared today on TheRoot.com. She cites Elvis Costello as the inspiration for the current ludicrous black frames craze, but otherwise credits everyone from Prince and P-Funk to Kanye West and Jim Jones for the fact that I can see most kids’ nuts through their pants these days. Even Dwayne Wayne gets props - reminds me of this article I wrote way back about black films that rip off white movies.

I’m not crazy about Olopade’s piece; for one - it attempts the impossible task of simultaneously sounding in-the-know and quasi-intellectual; for two, it continuously refers to black hipsters as “blipsters,” which is incredibly annoying. The author did, however, nail this one description - at least for outsiders with no idea what she’s writing about:

“Simply put: The racial archetypes that had defined the last 15 years of masculine street style have given way to a radically new aesthetic. Gone are the extra-long T-shirts, saggy jeans and Timbs long favored by young black men. They haven’t swapped them for the mopey, emo tees once favored by young whites. Rather, urban youth of all colors now rock snug pants, bright, oversized graphic tees, spotless vanity sneakers and hats with brims flatter than Kansas.”

Two years ago I nearly smacked a teen on Boston Common for - without solicitation - saying I was too old to be a hipster. At the time, I was wearing clunky yellow Converse Weapons, and - I think - just shorts and a t-shirt. In retrospect, I’m not sure what I was angrier about - my looking like a half-way hipster, or my getting old.

Now it looks like that might change (at least the hipster part, since I’m still aging). After all; by Chuck Klosterman’s definition, I must be a hipster since I regularly lambaste them/us. And now I want to be included - especially if I get to make fun of black friends for jacking trends passed from my ancestors.

Lastly - and much more importantly: STOP ASSOCIATING PABST BLUE RIBBON WITH SO-CALLED HIPSTERS!!! It’s just a good, cheap brew that’s available in oversized cans. Poor people have been drinking PBR since way before Lupe Fiasco dropped “Kick, Push,” and we’ll still be swigging when I’m losing weight in three years to fit into all the tight jeans on sale at my local thrift shop. For the time being, though - at least from the waste down - I’ll continue imitating black rappers from the 1990s.