10 Signs That You Might Have Swine Flu

10 – You coughed into your sleeve, but only after using your shirt to wipe a cream pie out of a dead hooker lying in the street.

9 – You’re a hip-hop kid who insists on wearing his facemask backward and to the side.

8 – You forgot to get your swine flu shot.

7 – The Big Bad Wolf keeps knocking on your door.

6 –You cornholed Porky at a fraternity pig roast last weekend.

5 – You’re suddenly not worried about traffic accidents, plane crashes, cranky postal workers, and domestic terrorism.

4 – Jokes about swine flu are not funny to you.

3 – Your name is Kermit.

2 – You’ve been to rehab more than once for a pork rind addiction.

1 – You’re the ONE person in this entire country who actually died of swine flu.

COMING SOON: 10 People Who I Hope Get Swine Flu