One man's hilarious quest to put a holiday (back) in its place

This made me laugh. Jim “Suldog” Sullivan of Watertown Mass is on a quest to stop Christmas from encroaching on Turkey Day’s turf. He’s tired of having to sit through all those ads for Christmas in November. Of the malls he frequents breaking out the Santa suits prematurely. Of the supermarket shelves he peers down boasting cookies decorated “in green and red sprinkles.” So he’s fighting back and making me giggle in the process. I especially love the first few lines of his blog post — “They’re beating me down. I keep getting up, but I don’t know how much longer I can continue to do so. It’s tougher every time" — which read like they're introducing a prison memoir.

Sullivan doesn’t only toss his verbal Molotov cocktails at the corporations that shill their Christmas schlock this time of year, he’s also got it in for the “boob” he spies on TV at Giants stadium wearing a Santa hat on his head. Declares Sullivan of said boob: “If I could have somehow teleported myself to Giants Stadium and wrapped a length of piano wire around his neck, I would have delighted in seeing his eyes bulge from their sockets while the wire sliced his jugular vein. Merry Christmas!” Just glorious. Sullivan is a little like the Christian-version of that other anger management flunkee, the writer and "This American Life" contributor Shalom Auslander. Later he calls out the worst offenders — they being Target, Macy’s, Lowe’s, and WROR radio in Boston (for playing Madonna's "Santa Baby") — and reveals that he "will never shop at any of these stores" until they "forego holiday advertisements until at least the week of Thanksgiving..."