50 Acts That Would Totally Blow Up At SXSW 2011 If They Existed
Let's get serious for a minute before this bash begins, and admit that we all check some SXSW acts for no reason other than their badass, if not hilarious names. Because of sweet handles, I wound up at a Tittsworth dance party two years ago, and I'll be hitting at least one Dale Earnhardt Jr. Jr. show next week.
With that said, I'm offering 50 potential winning names from my extensive collection, which could come in handy for artists who split from their bands en route to 6th Street and need to re-group. It's never too late to become the next Austin phenomenon - in fact we see an overwritten Pitchfork blowjob in your immediate future.
Feel free to use all or any of these, and to act as if you deserve the attention that your cool new brand attracts. I want nothing in return, though a poster and tour t-shirt would be awesome. I wear a large most of the time, but usually drop down to a medium at SXSW with all the diarrhea, drugs, and dehydration. See you all in Texas.
Chlamydia Kardashian
The Label Whores
Tricky Martin
Grandpa Harry's Wet Cheese Brigade
Toothless Snatch
Sal Minella and Chicken Tenders
Doggystyle Slush Puppy
Rhymes With Agent Orange
Beloved Cunt
MC Hammered
Designer Imposters
Young Salad
Puckfuck
Yeltzin
Pepsi One and the Green Ketchup Nostalgia Mongers
Uncle Sweatpants
Monkey Punch
Gays Against the Machine
Vandersloot
The Sandbox Sex Slaves
Racketball
Bukake and Bullwinkle
Better Than Better Than Ezra
Scumbag Sweetheart
The 1986 New York Mets featuring Mookie Wilson
MNMNME
Losing
Let Them Eat Cock
Blood Donut
Crazy Eddie and the Stolen Stereos
Visible Pee Hole
Ragtime Reform School
The Blowjob Headhunters
Booga Shuga
The French Onion Soup Nazis
Spongebob Shitstain
Shasta Pussycat
The Kasheesteez
Butt Cavity Cartel
Slut Sandwich
Avatard
Lil Red Writing Hood
Japanese Russian Kurt Cobain
DJ Fair and Balanced
The Pope Fuckers
Sleazy Freakies
Velvet Vulva