Ugly like Kevin McHale

Published May 04 2005, 04:35 AM by webteam

1. John Cena SO REAL! Like remember Hov said about his feud with Nas -- it's pro wrestling. So the WWE's all what? What? Somebody's roughin' up our turf? Get us a wrestling rapper! Get us a white wrestling rapper! Get us a white wrestling rapper from Boston! (Eyes rollin' all up in the Escalades, right? So, um, what the hell is white-wrestling-rapper-from-Boston John Cena doing in a Murs video? For serious, did Jamn's Ramiro and Pebbles really co-sign on this? And can anyone confirm that 7L did some of the production work?)

From the Columbia Records bio:
With "Beantown," Cena combines a bluesy guitar riff and funky backbeat to fuel a tribute to his Boston roots. Giving shout outs to everything from Fenway Park's "Green Monster" and the Tobin Bridge to Carl Yastrzemski's bushy sideburns (circa 1973) and the Boston Tea Party, Cena paints a vivid picture of the place he still calls home. "Yo, we fresh, y'all a little bit stale, and we about to make it ugly like Kevin McHale."

Oh, shit: ugly ain't even the pretty part of it. Gary Coleman cameo in the A-Team-themed video for Cena's first single "I'm a Bad Man" -- with a Bumpy Knuckles beat?! What?! -- is over here, via Spine Magazine. And somebody actually transcribed dude's "freestyles" from every WWE tour stop for like the past three years. Over thurr.

1.5. Speaking of the white rapperz, we couldn't change the channel on that Vanilla Ice thing on VH1 last night. How did Trackmasters keep a straight face?

1.7. Somehow missed this in the mag, but we always love it when the New Yorker bro's down with the Wu.

2. Without D'arcy around to rein him in, Bill Corgan (he hasn't dropped the y, but we have) overdoses on Oliver Twisted new-romantic look: his debut solo video "Walking Shade" looks kinda how the "Tonight Tonight" clip might've come out if Baz was in charge. What's the song sound like? Mmm, bad Nine Inch Nails meets half-assed Echo and the Bunnymen. Watch "Walking Shade" at Anonymous Content. (Via Purpology: welcome to the music-video-blog craze.)

2.5. If you're like us, when you clicked over to Anonymous, you got bored with Corgan's thing in under a minute and decided to check out the Wednesday 13 video for "I Walked with a Zombie" instead. Like, what the hell is that? Is that Marilyn Manson? With Rob Zombie's band? Ripping off the intro to Andrew W.K.'s "Party Hard"? In a graveyard? Blue-screened in front of actual footage from Night of the Living Dead? Tell you what it's not: despite the title, a Roky Erikson cover.

TONIGHT:
Bobby Bare, Jr.; the Dropkick Murphys' fool-around band Bastards of Young; and also Prefuse 73.