Photo courtsey Amazon.com
This info is a day old, but we’d be derelict in our duties as a newsgathering organization if we failed to alert our readers of this locally-imperative development. It seems that the long-rumored Jersey Shore Except Southie Instead of The Jersey Shore show will become a thing that exists.
According to the Hollywood Reporter (full disclosure - I found out about this via A.V. Club) Jersey Shore creator and executive producer SallyAnn Salsano is (we assume) courting more favor with her unholy master Satan to turn her next “reality” show concept into another football stadium full of money. This one, dubbed Southie Pride, will chronicle the myriad shenanigans of five South Boston women and their nearest and dearest. It's not even close to wrapped yet, but our super-secret sources have spilled the beans on some spoilers. We’re told everybody on the show says things like “wickahd,” and “pissa” all the time. Local sports teams will be discussed with great enthusiasm and frequency. And probably, there will be some fighting.
The prospect of the same monster factory responsible for walking STDs Snooki and the Situation depositing five comparable attention hogs in Southie sounds terrifying. But this is, in fact, nothing to worry about. If 495 Productions continues the casting practices that helped make Jersey Shore a thing, the Southie Pride gang won’t be required to reside in South Boston when the cameras are off, possess any legitimate Irish genes, know where Southie is, or be able to find Massachusetts on a map. Even so, I suspect many South Boston residents have grown desensitized to being stereotyped as crass, alcoholic louts with hair-trigger tempers, and already know better than to care how teenagers in Nebraska think they behave. Also, Pauly D – one of the bright orange creatures from Shore who could almost pass for normal if shards of plastic didn’t grow out of his scalp – has performed DJ sets in town on numerous occasions without a major incident (that we're aware of).
Personal addendum: When I read Southie Pride is expected to “Have more in common with Bravo’s Real Housewives,” I immediately thought, in earnest, “Didn’t they already make that show?” Then I realized I can no longer tell the difference between reality shows and YouTube parodies of reality shows. Also, Jersey Shore hasn't even been a worthwhile guilty pleasure since 2009.