Break out your stone-washed Jordache jeans (yea, we know you still have
them...they're right next to your stirrup pants, adjacent to your
high-heeled Jelly sandals) because it's time for a leisurely Hammer
Dance down 90's memory lane. A memory lane paved with the tears, fears
and the mostly PG-13 sexual exploits of Brenda, Brandon, Dylan and Co.
It's Beverly Hills 90201 Day! For no particular reason other
than that today's date is 9.02.10 and everybody still sweats that show
pretty hard (the new CW adaptation, "90210", minus the Beverly, doesn't
hold a candle to the original...probably because it's missing a hearty
dose of Tori "Butterface" Spelling,) the entire nation, and even certain countries
who didn't get the soap until much later have agreed that today will be
dedicated to the memory of our long-lost B.H. friends. Predictably, the
"holiday" was first heralded on Facebook with a "cause" page dedicated to both celebrating the day and campaigning for a 90210 movie. The page describes the show's plot as "A
bunch of kids do funny pranks and have sex with each other and whatnot.
And then one time one dude drank too much and got in a motorcycle
accident maybe? And then that dude at The Peach Pit does a bunch of
magic tricks and Mr. Belding gets mad." Which is almost accurate and sums up our personal experience in the 90's quite nicely. (By the way, Mr. Belding aka Dennis Haskins, made an appearance as a guest bartender or something at McFadden's in Faneuil Hall this past April. Probably in exchange for free drinks. Breaks our collective hearts.)It goes without saying that the town of Beverly Hills is pretty psyched about this. They're throwing a big bash in
honor of the show, which went off the air in 2000 (returning for a "10
year high school" reunion special in 2003,) hosted by Larry King. Which
is sort of random, but let's go with it. Members of the new,
second-rate, show are set to attend, including Ryan Eggold, Trevor Donovan, Michael Steger and Matt Lanterof.
None of whom we have ever heard of. Thus, we do not care. We want Steve
Sanders. We want Dylan McKay. Hell, we'll even take Andrea Zuckerman,
although she was always a real pain in the ass, wasn't she? Which got us
thinking. What are those crazy kids up to these days? Thus, Where Are They Now?: the Beverly Hills 90210 Edition (a selection)Brandon Walsh: According to IMDB,
Jason Priestley is still working, sort of. Dude's got three movies in
post-production, (not to mention his rumored Hallmark western with Luke
Perry) one of which he's starring in. It's a horror flick called Stingy Jack and he stars as a guy who likes Halloween a little too much, or something. Sounds mediocre, but good for him!Brenda Walsh: Shannen Doherty
and her legendary temper and all-around prickliness has been booted
from show to show since the demise of 90210. She had that terrible show
about suburban witches for a while, with Alyssa Milano when Alyssa Milano was still hot, and then she hosted "Scare Tactics." (Now hosted by Tracy Jordan.) IMDB says she's currently wrapping up a made-for-TV movie called Witchslayer. Sounds about right.Dylan McKay: Balding. And purportedly starring in Priestley's Hallmark western. Yippy. (Mc)Kay. Yay.Steve Sanders: Ian Ziering is apparently just wrapping a movie called The Legend of Awesomest Maximus co-starring Rip Torn and, get this, Dennis Haskins. See how everything comes full circle? Also, of course Steve Sanders' post-90210 resume would include a movie about the Awesomest Maximus. That's how Steve Sanders rolls. Recognize.David Silver: In a move fit for a failed white rapper, Mr. Brian Austin Green married the hottest woman alive--of this decade.
Which is definitely an upgrade from the days of chasing Donna Martin tail, no? Rumor has it he waited seven seasons to have sex with her too. Tee hee. Also he's
going to be on "Desperate Housewives"--without previously doing a stint on
"Dancing with the Stars"??? This all sounds....promising. Hmm.
Donna Martin: Not much to say, Tori Spelling's been so out
of the public eye. To be fair, when your father's the producer of the
show and your character goes through attempted rape, addiction, and
abstinence, there's some stuff you got to work out...Let's all stick
around and wait for some introspection, shall we? Hopefully it'll come
before her next reality show/memoir/public feud.
Taylor: Jennie Garth was back on the "revamped" 90210 show as Kelly
Taylor, but a wiser-less-fucked-up-guidance-counselor Kelly Taylor.
She's married to that dude from Twilight; they have daughters. She also had a show with Amanda "I'm Quitting the Biz...Psych! No, I'm Not" Bynes. Technically she might be the most successful of the gang. Depending on your definition of success.