Ronald McDonald v. the city of San Francisco

^{Hide yo kids. Hide yo wife.}

I've never been to San Francisco, but judging by this report, I'm going to have to go ahead and assume it's a city full of soulless (but fit) assholes who hate seeing joy in little children's eyes. According to USA Today, the city of San Francisco is considering banning the sale of Happy Meals (and whatever the Burger King equivalent is) unless the fast food chains are willing to offer more nutrition in their kids meals. Somewhere a pudgy five-year-old version of myself just choked on a Chicken McNugget and died.

"Companies know it doesn't work to advertise food to kids - they want the toy," says Michael Jacobson, executive director of the consumer group Center for Science in the Public Interest, who suspiciously prefers dressing in vertically striped suits and wearing Zoro masks.

On the bright side, maybe someone will finally bite on my eBay auction.