David Brent isn't transferring to Dunder Mifflin

For someone who hasn't watched The Office since around the time Pam broke off her engagement with Roy (wait, you mean she's married to Jim and they have a kid??), the recent rumors being battered about regarding the show's future have me surprisingly giddy. Those rumors being the best-case-scenario that Ricky Gervais may be taking David Brent across the pond to replace Steve Carell when he departs following this season in favor of the opulent pastures of Hollywood.

Unfortunately, today's report from the UK's Press Association quotes Gervais himself essentially shitting all over that proposal, as only he can do:

"As David Brent would say, been there, done that, bought the T-shirt - as I would say, 'Why would I get up at 6am five days a week for seven years, when I can hire someone else to do that and still get my syndication money?'"

And as selfish as that may sound, you can't really blame the man. Firstly, because he's Ricky Gervais -- one of the best things going in comedy today. But mostly because he's right. I'm fairly certain that anyone reading this post right now would not be trudging to work everyday if you had someone else doing your job while you still got paid for it.

But even though he has probably milked more than enough money strictly off The Office cash cow (now in seven countries!), he may not want to be so quick to dismiss this opportunity. There's no hiding the fact that Gervais is trying to break into the ranks of big-name Hollywood funny men. And while his two major attempts thus far (2008s Ghost Town and 2009s The Invention of Lying) eventually recouped financially at the box-office, neither made a real noteworthy splash. And though HBO will always be the #1 network in our hearts, it offers nowhere near the same national platform as NBC.

For a glimpse at this potential platform afforded by the U.S. Office, look no further than the man he'd be replacing. Steve Carell has reached that A-list echelon primarily through his Michael Scott character and hugely successfully, marginally funny films that I'm probably never going to bother seeing.

"We talked about it today for a while. It's not the leading idea... [but] it's not a dead idea," said Office executive producer Paul Lieberstein, keeping the rumor alive. "I don't know how David Brent could take Michael Scott's place because it would be a little bit too much of a coincidence that a documentary crew was also following him. He was also fired for incompetence [in the UK Office], so we'd have to create some back story for what happened. There would be some things to deal with."

So while the executive producer doesn't even seem to have a fucking clue about what's going on, all we can do is speculate. Fortunately, speculation is what the internets do best. Dwight getting a promotion, Phoebe from Friends, and even the fucking Old Spice Guy are the wholly irritating possibilities being flung about as possible options. None serving up the potential hardy laughs (or my renewed viewership) as would the return of David Brent.