Lesbian Prison Gangs Eagerly Await Lindsay Lohan: FOXNews Reports

Just when you thought that things couldn't get any bleaker for prodigious child-star turned hot steaming adult mess Lindsay Lohan, this happens. Seriously, Fox? You probably didn't mean to be at all humorous with that headline (because you don't seem to have that particular ability) but come on. "Lesbian prison gangs waiting to get hands on Lindsay Lohan." It's equal parts ominous and hilarious....sort of like Lindsay Lohan herself. But seriously, we sort of feel bad for LiLo. It's bad enough the poor thing got caught breaking her probation (what was she supposed to do, stay at home and try to get clean? get real) and is being sent off to the Big House but now she has to worry about fearsome lesbian gangs lurking in the yard? And she thought that the orange jumpsuit clashing with her red hair was the biggest of her worries.  

"Everyone will want a piece of her," according to an inmate doing time for heroin possession and prostitution. And actually, as you read on, it isn't funny at all. If there's anything worse than a makeshift prison shiv it is a makeshift prison dildo. Fact. We can only hope, for LiLo's sake, that her appeal goes through and she's spared this particular punishment. Because the cure for someone who can't stop themselves from blowing rails isn't for them to actually get railed. (Too much?) What may be even a bigger issue here is why Fox News seems to be vying for TMZ's title of most salacious news source.