Lawsuit: Whitesnake pony up $40k for unleashing the rock

If you're one of those sleazy lowlifes that's always on the prowl for the next slip-and-fall scam to make some fast cash, then do I have a hot lead for you!

Attend the next concert in your area of a band that likes to ride with the amps cranked to 11, rest your dome right next to the speakers, and BINGO! $40,000 richer!

It worked for Maryellen and Kevin Burns, and it can work for you!

According to a report from Noah Schaffer of The Docket, the couple has recently been awarded a settlement for the above sum from a Massachusetts Appeals Court for a suit filed against the band Whitesnake, the owner of the Orpheum, and the promoter who put on the band's 2003 concert at the venue. They claim that an usher directed them to their seat close to the stage and subsequently closer to the speakers, which according to their suit, were projecting music at 2 to 22 times the exposure acceptable to the human ear. Quite the discrepancy between 2 and 22 but, you know, 80s metal.

Maryellen suffered long-term hearing loss as a result of the rawk which managed to shear the nerve cells right off her cochlea.

We're not quite sure who looks more foolish here: Whitesnake's lawyers for their ineptitude in fumbling this case or the Burns's for attending a Whitesnake concert in 2003?