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Unitards survive the ages

 

Truthfully I've been looking for an excuse to do a blog post in which I could use this clip of Jean-Claude Van Damme dancing in Breakin' 2, Electric Boogaloo, and now I finally have an excuse -- unitards! I thought long and hard about the development of the unitard and I've deduced it's definitely making a comeback. Let's take a stroll down unitard memory lane, and I think you'll see my point.

King uni 
Elvis Presley

Did he start the trend? Who knows, but he looked damn good in a unitard back in the day-- trust me, I have my misgivings about the King, but safe to say he wasn't an eye-sore when he started wearing these skin-tight creations. According to Elvis.com, Elvis began sporting the one-pieces back in January/February of 1970. His appearances on stage in Vegas and across the country in these slick sensations would mold other appetite-surpressed artists to come in the near future.

Rock-star uni
Freddie Mercury, Queen

One such artist to follow Elvis' one-piece suit lead was Freddie Mercury. He totally rocked the unitard every chance he got, for better or worse, hair ascot or full chest carpet on display. He paved the way, across the world, for all bands to liberally apply their unitards without fear of being called sissies.

Lovin' in a uni
Steven Tyler, Aerosmith

Aerosmith's Steven Tyler was no sissy on stage and absolutely adored his unitards. So did his groupies, and so did the thousand of hair bands that came after/around the time of Aerosmith (I won't picture them all here, but Van Halen, Motley Crue, and even Ozzy in Black Sabbath all rocked the unis). Musicians couldn't get enough of showing off their stuff in these one-pieces.

The crossover uni
Jean-Claude Van Damme

I won't say that Jean-Claude brought the uni from the music scene to the movies, because that would be false, but this clip highlights the time period (the 80s) in which the uni made it's progression from on-stage to on-screen and thank God for it! Nothing like a good unitard street party to get the kids pumped! My name is Jean-Claude Van Damme I will dance for you....

The educational unitard
Slim Goodbody

Right about the same time Jean-Claude was dancing around in his little outfits on the silver screen, the unitard started showing up on the small screen. Instead of remaining the hot and sexy outfit for the rich and famous, the unitard became an educational tool all teachers could sport, with some minor anatomical changes. And this is where the unitard met its demise.

Joke uni
Ashton Kutcher and Jesse Metcalfe

The uni is now an official joke, poor uni, how far you fell. Ashton Kutcher "punk'd" Jesse Metcalfe into thinking he was auditioning for Spiderman 3 and got the Desperate Housewives' eye-candy to wear a unitard. Gone was the magic of seeing a man's package in skin-tight clothing. Now unitards were just a costume to laugh at. Yeah it was marginally amusing to see Metcalfe force to wear a silvery unitard, but not hardly as hilarious as the image of Kutcher in his. Pretty boy claimed he would never do something to somebody on the show he wouldn't do to himself and then proceeds to subject us all to his 12-year-old body in a silvery suit. Beh, I'm laughing, but not really at the whip stuffed in his crotch...This TV unitard debuted in 2005 on Season 4 of Punk'd.

Watch the video: http://watch.muchmusic.com/punkd/season-4/episode-2/#clip98052

Online/boy-band uni
Joe Jonas, Jonas Brothers

Again ridiculed, this time by a Jonas Brother (like they have any room to ridicule), imitating Beyonce. But there must be some reason why people keep wearing this outfit. Secretly, I think we all wish we could don the snug apparel again and that's why we keep coming up with excuses to put it on.

Bringin' sexy back
Lady Gaga

Call them catsuits now and make men drool, but a unitard is still a unitard and it's coming full-circle. Back on the stage, musicians like Lady Gaga are squeezing themselves into these unforgiving outfits to make the boxers fly and the money come rolling in. Perhaps one day soon we'll all be back in love with these forgotten bits of clothing, ready for more unitard dance battles in the streets.

Just don't invite this guy

For tons of unitards (and some non-unitard moments) visit www.unitarduniverse.com/

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