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East Boston Parking Spot Sells for $30


EAST BOSTON - In a landmark property deal that wowed members of the Eastie community this week, Gold’s Gym personal trainer Anthony “Skinny Six-Pack” DiBennedetto bought a Maverick Square parking spot for $30 cash - the lowest amount ever paid for a space anywhere in Boston.

“The way I see it is I take the blue line into work anyway,” Six-Pack told the Phoenix. “Not because I care about any of that pussy green crap, but because I don’t need anyone scratching my bitch downtown.”

Instead of jeopardizing the complexion of his 2003 Porsche Carrera in Boston traffic, Six-Pack’s car - best known as “The Shocker” - will sit in the driveway of DiBennedetto’s great uncle, Otto Pugliese. Located on the side of Pugliese’s dilapidated plastic-sided two-family deathtrap, the battered piece of land and its plentiful weeds complement the surrounding architecture well.

“I don’t know why he insisted on giving me $30,” said Pugliese. “I told him that he could have the space for free - I don’t use the damn thing anyway. I even put an ad in the Herald once trying to give it away and nobody responded.”

Pugliese is not the only detractor. Several neighborhood groups - particularly the Caputo crime family, with whom Six-Pack has an outstanding $6,000 gambling tab - are outraged at the extravagance of the purchase.

“Where exactly is this parking space?” asked notorious mob boss Vinny “Bloody Baseball Bat” Caputo.
 
Local money lenders are also disenchanted.

“They thought it was a big deal when the guy in Back Bay bought a parking spot for five times what his Infinity is worth,” said Eastie bookie Guy Torres. “Considering how much Six-Pack owes in payments for the Porsche and the $25,000 in aftermarket crap that he put into that hunk of shit, his spot cost about 100 times his debt to us. My superiors are unhappy to say the least.”

Still, Six-Pack remains unhinged.

“The last time I checked, this is East Boston,” he said. “And East Boston is in America, where people park wherever they want. Except for in my space, because I paid thirty bucks for it.”

 

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