You're from who? Rolling what?

Well, no shit that the office rock crits have been obsessing over MTV's new I'm From Rolling Stone for months now. I mean, you see how dipshit we get over crap like American Idol. Now that someone was desperate enough to gamble on a reality show about rock criticism -- that yawn you hear is the rest of the world not giving a fuck -- we're totally gonna enjoy it while it lasts. For one thing, dancing about architecture hasn't been even remotely cool in at least a decade, with a slight blip back in 2000 when Almost Famous gave it a sheen of retro chic. The movie had it right about one thing: once upon a time, Rolling Stone was really good. But it hasn't been relavant in a long fucking time, and to see the poor bastards reduced to producing their own low-budget infomercial is just too pathetically wonderful to miss. Especially when one of the contestants repeatedly gets Jann Wenner's name wrong. (To the Asian hyphy-girl DJ with the grill: it's pronounced like this: YAWN.)

So last night's debut was decidedly letdownish, but at 1/2 hour they barely had time to get through all the intros. Right off the bat we've dispensed with the fiction that any of these people were chosen for their writing (except maybe one of them), and have instead been cast in an offshoot of The Real World, except that they don't appear to live together. Hmmm.

Even before Joe Levy broke down these can't-write bitches on camera, Russel Morse was definitely our favorite. If he gets booted from the Stone, we'd like to see him as a mid-season replacement on So You Think You Can Dance.

Top 5 moments from episode one:

5. Krishtina (aforementioned Asian girl with grill) getting Jann's name wrong.

4. Krystal, the hippie chick who's here to remind us of Kate Hudson in Almost Famous, bidding farewell to her Devendra Banhart-looking limp bean of a boyfriend. They're clearly banking on a bf-cries-like-a-little-biatch moment like that one with Shandi from America's Next Top Model, and we wouldn't bet against it.

3. Colin, the token I-listen-to-Elephant-Six-bands indie-rocker, performing a very Jeff Mangum-ized version of the "Hokey Pokey."

2. Joe Levy axing Krystal's lead, specifically a clause where she takes a snarky swipe at straight-edge emokids. Her: "So we just keep it?" Him: "Ummm, no. We just cut the whole thing."

1. Russel to Jann: "Google me."

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