The Boston Book Festival kicks off tomorrow night. I've made an itinerary for you, you lucky ducks.
On Friday at 7:30pm, head over to the Back Bay Events Center (200 Berkeley St.) for "The Art of The Wire: A Discussion With Cast and Creators." Listen to MARLO STANFIELD alterego JAMIE HECTOR, ROBERT "PROP JOE" CHEW, and TRAY "POOT" CHANEY talk about everyone's favorite television show. Find out how to win tickets here.
Saturday's going to be busy, so try to get up early and head over to STARBUCKS (755 Boylston St.) for some OATMEAL and a GRANDE UNSWEETENED ICED COFFEE.
Get over to John Hancock Hall at the Back Bay Events Center (180 Berkeley St.) at 10am to catch cartoonist / Big Digits DJ JEF CZEKAJ when he introduces kids' keynote speaker MO WILLEMS of (Pigeon / Knufflebunny fame).
Take care not to tread on any toddlers as you run to the Rabb Auditorium at the BPL (700 Boylston) to watch the beginnings of the Steampunk panel at 11am, featuring, among others, KELLY LINK and GAVIN GRANT, the editors of a recent YA anthology called -- you guessed it! -- Steampunk! And moderator MAYA ESCOBAR has some amazing things to say about young adult fiction, let me tell you.
Those with sadomasochistic tendencies should skip both of the above to submit their manuscript or laugh at those who submit their manuscripts to WRITER IDOL (10am, Mary Norton Hall at Old South Church), where a panel of pros will tear apart the dreams of the hopeful. Only one can win!
Next, head over to WENDY'S (551 Boylston St.) for a quick lunch. Bookworms and the literati alike have been known to favor the SPICY CHICKEN SANDWICH and a FROSTY DAIRY DESSERT.
After lunch, it's "time" to see JENNIFER EGAN discuss time on the Fiction: Time Is. . . panel at the Old South Church Sanctuary (645 Boylston St, 12:45pm). You'll have about a half-hour to walk around and get a good seat for Graphic Novels: Drawing the Story. If the discussion between ALISON BECHDEL, DANIEL CLOWES and SETH gets boring, entertain yourself with thoughts of who would win in a fight.
It's absolutely essential that you go early to the Trinity Church Sanctuary (226 Clarendon St.), since its 1100 seats will be filled by those drooling over KAREN RUSSELL, CHUCK KLOSTERMAN, GREGORY MAGUIRE and KATE BEATON on the panel known as Far Out Fiction. Presiding over these dreamboats will be YOURS TRULY. I have a number of entertaining nervous habits -- be on the lookout!
Finally, MICHAEL ONDAATJE will deliver the keynote speech at 6:30pm (Hancock Hall, Back Bay Events Center, 180 Berkeley St.). Special awards will be given to those who can both pronounce his name correctly without sounding pretentious.
Then it's off to YOUR HOUSE, where you'll have to buy an extra PILLOW to support your head, newly inflated with so much contemporary literature. Excelsior!