Yesterday, Maureen Dowd compared Barack Obama to Jane Austen's prideful Mr. Darcy, and took the metaphor farther by claiming that we Americans are collectively his Elizabeth Bennet. Fine. Dowd also casts John McCain as Wickham, the manipulative lying cad who somehow pulls the wool over even an intelligent person's eyes.
I've spent some part of the last 24 hours brainstorming how I would fill out the cast...But found it more difficult than I'd anticipated. Any help?
Mr. Collins (the gross and annoying cousin who fawns over Elizabeth, only to be spurned): I wanted to say Mitt Romney, but he's simply too handsome to play a simpering fool. Guiliani is too strong-willed, and Kucinich didn't fawn either (though they are both slightly troll-like).
Jane (Elizabeth's kind, beautiful, and rather dull older sister): The America of four years ago (the one that let G-Dubs get re-elected).
Bingley (Jane's kind, handsome, and rather dull suitor): I would say Karl Rove, but he's not very handsome...Or very kind. Or even very dull. But he did help woo America, four years ago. Here's a better idea: John Kerry or John Edwards -- they're both handsome, kind, whatever, and did, in fact, "win over" the America described above, by virtue of pushing more than half of the electorate away.
Mrs. Bennet (the overbearing, abrasive matriarch that often ruins everything): Dick Cheney
Mr. Bennet (the intelligent, bemused, somewhat detached father who puts up with everyone else's crap): Sweden? Canada?
At some point I ceased caring if these make sense in a political context; I just like thinking of Dick Cheney as Mrs. Bennet.