|
Summer has only just officially arrived and I’ve gone through the hate-love-hate cycle with at least three inescapable seasonal charttoppers. Fortunately, those songs — all available on iTunes and from most of the major download retailers — will be distant memories by the time the mercury soars and the big guns roll out, but the field is already packed with newcomers and veterans alike, all aiming to knock down my standards of good taste and respectability . . .
Rihanna, “Umbrella”
This particularly annoying charttopper combines terrible lyrics, insipid melodies, and 10 seconds of guilty pleasure (“ella-ella-eh-eh”) that would guarantee anyone a successful single. I don’t know who I hate more: Rihanna for making it or me for kinda sorta liking it.
Lil Mama, “Lip Gloss”
Novelty in the truest sense, this percussion-heavy offering has nothing new to offer, and yet its innocence and its energy are addictive. There’s a personal limit for tracks like this, a teenage rapper’s ode to her “poppin’ ” lip gloss, but I won’t tell anyone if you don’t change the station till Labor Day.
R. Kelly, “I’m a Flirt”
Probably a smarter choice than “I’m a Child Molester,” this big single from the R&B king would be easier to forget if it didn’t have such smooth melodies and that slight vocoder. All the same, its deep licks and ticking percussion have seen better days — why don’t they just re-release “Ignition (Remix)” every June?
Fabolous feat. Ne-Yo, “Make Me Better”
Production by Timbalake and a hook featuring Ne-Yo means we’ve finally got some guilt-free junk food. The soaring strings and atmospheric drips and drops here are the light at the end of the tunnel for a slow-starting 2007 in hip-hop. Let’s hope it’s a sign of better things to come in the second half of the year. And isn’t that what summer’s all about?
Related:
2. Chris Brown, Ne-Yo, Ne-Yo: Because of You, More 
- 2. Chris Brown
Seems like yesterday that Chris Brown was just another cute, precocious R&B comer with an unfortunate overbite and an uncanny knack for mimicking Michael Jackson’s choreography. Now this little punk is allegedly imitating Ike Turner’s worst traits — and bringing new meaning to the phrase “hit record.” And while the US is trying to exit painful wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, morons like Chris Brown are starting international incidents — Rihanna is the cultural ambassador of Barbados. Thanks for opening another front for us in the Caribbean, asshole.
- Ne-Yo
Think Ne-Yo is bummed that his songwriting success of 2K5 (Mario’s “Let Me Love You”) got snubbed at the Grammys?
- Ne-Yo: Because of You
If Ne-Yo wants to make a real mark, he’ll have to toss that hat.
- Rihanna | Rated R
Look, it’s not as if there were a song where she says, “Chris Brown, you chicken-shit motherfucker, your ass is gonna pay.”
- Review: DJ Hero
Shortly after DJ Hero ’s release, a couple of craiglist ads popped up from gamers claiming they’ll plug in and play the game at your party for $75 — all you have to provide is the TV and the speakers.
- The Big Hurt: Pop eroticism, faux sincerity, and sperm motility
I am a man who loves a good corporate doofus, and this week's glistening-prize-hog-doofus quote goes to TOM WELCH , Wal-Mart's senior music buyer, who manages to make Foreigner sound even squarer than Foreigner.
- Fabolous
Maybe he should spend less time spelling out his name.
- 80. Shia LaBeouf
The funny thing is that this (allegedly) drunk-driving clown-boy isn’t even the biggest fuck-up that Rihanna’s ever (allegedly) dated.
- Year in National Pop: New attitudes
Are we fated to pretend?
- Production lines
The guy builds songs.
- Pointed pop
Beyond the technophobia, and the pomo paralysis, and the communications-breakdown undertones, the Knife's Silent Shout ’s other devastating reminder is that all recorded music is a lie. Blade runners: Our interviewer goes around, over, through, and under the Knife.
- Less
Topics:
Download
, Entertainment, Hip-Hop and Rap, Music, More
, Entertainment, Hip-Hop and Rap, Music, Pop and Rock Music, Culture and Lifestyle, Fashion and Style, Cosmetics, Rihanna, R&B, Fabolous (Rapper), Less
