The Phoenix Network:
About  |  Advertise
Adult  |  Moonsigns  |  Band Guide  |  Blogs  |  In Pictures
Puzzles  |  Sports  |  Television  |  Videogames

Sports blotter: Walker wiggle

Call a cab, genius
By MATT TAIBBI  |  January 14, 2009

SLAMMER DRUNK: Ex-Celtic Antoine Walker used to drive to the hoop from the top of the key. Now he’ll lose his keys for driving drunk.
The last couple of weeks have sucked for Celtics fans. Now, add to that the fact that old friend Antoine Walker got himself arrested in the early morning hours on January 5. Cops in Miami Beach pulled him over, detected the ever-present “strong odor of alcohol,” and rang him up for driving under the influence.

Walker was known in his playing days for driving into the lane without a plan and then hurling his arms — and the ball — wildly in the air upon contact. Seems like he was doing the same thing here, without the ball. He was caught driving a black Mercedes with a “sleepy look” on his face and no lights on. He refused a breathalyzer test, and was later released on $1000 bond.

Antoine has been looking for a job for a while. He played with the T-Wolves last year, although “played” is putting it a bit strongly. Now it looks like he’s headed to the glue factory. Sorry, ’Toine — and 25 for the DUI.

Hojo’s major no-no
Here’s a semi-major crime involving some college football players that occurred in December, but didn’t come to our attention before the end of the year. It seems a pair of freshmen from the University of Arkansas-Monticello were busted this past month on felony home-invasion charges after incidents in Metarie, Louisiana (near New Orleans), on December 15 and 19.

Defensive lineman Nick Howard and running back Andrel Johnson, both Louisiana natives, were two of three men busted after police pulled over a white Cadillac Escalade belonging to one of the men. Inside, authorities found stolen property that was traced to a December 15 break-in, but, honestly, further details of this first incident are so far hard to come by. Howard and Johnson were charged with home invasion, aggravated burglary (a possible felony), and possession of stolen property.

Judging by details of the December 19 incident, it sounds like a pretty ugly scene all around. When a 52-year-old man inside the house went outside to investigate what he thought was a power outage, some of the robbers snuck inside. The man came back in and was held at gunpoint while a 38-year-old woman in the bedroom was “inappropriately touched” by one of the assailants. The goons then took whatever meager stuff was to be found, jumped in their ride, and got themselves caught.

Both players are on scholarship for the Boll Weevils, but UAM coach Gwaine Matthews hasn’t dismissed the pair from the team yet, saying he doesn’t want to throw any of his players “under a bus” before they get their day in court. This seems like at least a 65-point crime to me — put ’em on the list.

College credit
Yet another athlete has been busted after stealing a credit card and attempting to use it at a store. The culprit this time was Maze Stallworth, a player for the Morehead State basketball team.

Last year we had an absolute blizzard of arrests involving college athletes who boosted credit cards and then immediately rushed either online or to some nearby department store to buy stuff. It appears athletes are not aware that there is a Big Magic Computer out there that tells police where and when a stolen credit card is being used.

In this case, Stallworth walked into a Wal-Mart (it’s almost always a Wal-Mart) in Morehead, Kentucky, and bought lots of stuff. The card’s owner noticed the activity and notified the cops, who examined the security footage, saw that the suspect was a prominent, very tall local athlete, and arrested the poor dope. Stallworth was hit with charges of fraudulent use of credit cards over $100, and released on a $500 bond. Then he was almost immediately suspended from the team. I’m reducing the point hit for these crimes because they’re so dumb — give him 10 and let’s move on. Nothing to see here.

Bolt dolt
Vincent Jackson of the San Diego Chargers also got busted for a DUI this past week. While we all hate the Chargers around here, we hate the Colts even more, and therefore will leave this incident alone, given that the Bolts just knocked off the Colts. V-Jax was busted for a DUI in 2006, and was still on probation, so this could be trouble. Until we know more, give him the usual 25 points.

When he’s not googling “Antoine’s walking” and “Maze is dazed,” Matt Taibbi writes for Rolling Stone. He can be reached

| nasty home-invasion case | 65
VINCENT JACKSON (CHARGERS) | drank and drove, torched Patriots for 134 yards and a TD | 25
ANTOINE WALKER (EX-CELTICS) | drank and drove, bad shot selection | 25
ANDRE “BAD MOON” RISON (EX-CHIEFS, FALCONS, PACKERS, ETC.) | public drunkenness | 20
CHARLES BARKLEY (EX-SUNS, SIXERS) | running stop sign in quest of blowjob | 15
MAZE STALLWORTH (MOREHEAD STATE) | another sap caught using stolen credit cards | 10

Related: Skell of the year, Do mess with Texas, New Mexico, More more >
  Topics: Sports , AFC West Division, American Football Conference, Antoine Walker,  More more >
  • Share:
  • RSS feed Rss
  • Email this article to a friend Email
  • Print this article Print

Share this entry with Delicious
  •   SCAMMER SOLSTICE  |  June 17, 2009
    Football meets fraud in Georgia. Plus, Wazzu wackiness, and Tim Donaghy gets busted up.
  •   TASER BAIT  |  June 10, 2009
    A Florida Gator gets chomped. Plus, Memphis, the NCAA, and hypocrisy.
  •   RETURN OF THE CRIMINOLES  |  June 03, 2009
    Florida State's wide-receiving corps goes deep. Plus, a Miami big man and his even bigger truck.
  •   PATRIOTS DAZE  |  May 27, 2009
    The ugly legacy of the late-'80s Pats gets even uglier
  •   LOVE HURTS  |  May 20, 2009
    Tough times for Dirk Nowitzki. Plus, a Pitt Panther gets caught shooting blanks.

 See all articles by: MATT TAIBBI

RSS Feed of for the most popular articles
 Most Viewed   Most Emailed 

  |  Sign In  |  Register
Phoenix Media/Communications Group:
Copyright © 2009 The Phoenix Media/Communications Group