SERIOUS TROUBLE
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
When he was younger, my brother was a very popular and attractive guy. He was lucky with the ladies and dated quite a wide variety of them. In the past few years, however, he seems to have fallen apart. He lives about 50 miles away so I don't see him that often, but when I do he has terrible body odor, he has taken to wearing unwashed clothes, is unshaven, and rarely cuts his dirty hair. I feel like I have to spray and disinfect the house after he visits. Should I tell him to clean up his act? My guess is that he would not take this advice very well, and I don't want to lose our friendship.
-Relatively Disgusted
Dear Relatively Disgusted,
This could just be a hygiene issue, but Dr. Lovemonkey doubts that. This sort of behavior can be indicative of a number of things, none of them good. At best, this could be an indication of your brother sinking into a very serious bout of clinical depression. The other possibilities include mental illness or a descent into drug addiction (something that could have been triggered by depression). It would behoove you to speak to your brother about the issue and then, perhaps, contact agencies or people who regularly deal with the types of serious issues I have suggested. It is highly unlikely that an intelligent and previously responsible adult would descend into a deplorable hygienic condition without a serious mental/emotional element triggering such an extreme situation.
BAD BEHAVIOR
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
Recently, a friend of mine from work and her boyfriend gave me a ride home after work. It was the first time I met her boyfriend. During the ride, he told my friend about plans he had made for a trip they would take in a few weekends. However, he hadn't consulted her, and she was already scheduled to work. When she protested, he told her she could take a sick day, the plans were already made, and she could work it out. More than anything, his tone of voice bothered me. He was so arrogant and demanding "obedience." My friend, who is always confident and assertive (in a very laid-back way) when we are at work, responded to her boyfriend by completely knuckling under and acting totally meek. I was so outraged by this behavior that I felt like I should have interceded. I hate to see someone dominate another person like that, but I also realize that this is the only time I have experienced her with him and it might be an anomaly.
-Angered
Dear Angered,
What you describe certainly sounds like it is "bully-like" behavior on his part and would also raise a few red flags for Dr. Lovemonkey. I would suggest that you might want to invite your friend for coffee or lunch and discuss what you observed and how and why it upset you. Perhaps this was a one-of-a-kind, unusual occurrence and she can explain that. Or maybe she will try to make excuses for him, as is often the case when people have settled into an abusive situation. Explain to your friend that you are concerned and learn more before you pursue this matter any further.
NOT AMUSED
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
