Attention industry folks! Is it your dream to get verbally
and emotionally abused (but in a nice, well-intentioned and constructive way, of course) on national television? It's your lucky day: Gordon
Ramsay is back in town.
If we were to make a venn diagram of reality TV, er, personalities, they'd all fall into one of three categories: Insanely Hot and Vapid, Insanely Repulsive and Vapid, or....huh. It turns out maybe this is more of a pie chart than a venn diagram after all. And guess which slice of this unsavory pie our picks for Unsexy Reality Stars of 2011 these dudes fall into? There's nothing less sexy than whoring out yourself, those less fortunate, or your own family for a little, ok a lot of dough (damn that burns us up.
The Village Voice has helpfully obtained and annotated a copy of the contract that MTV's Real World contestants must sign -- it starts with signing your life away, and then gets crazier from there. According to the Voice:
"Under the stipulations of the following standard contract, participants in Real World--the grandaddy of "reality" shows, after Cops--agree to the following terms:
Yorkers are dealing with a lot right now. It's only a matter
of time until the hugliest combover in the annals of hirstute history is splashed all
over the city in "Trump 2012" ads. And the Sox are about to break their
slump, sending the Yankees wiping their $200 million tears all the way
back to the Bronx after this weekend's home opener (fingers crossed!).
First of all, I would like to extend my sincerest
apologies to the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills' Adrienne Maloof. I mean,
you're still both absurdly annoying and absurdly rich. And all you really brang to the show were a few cringe-inducing frames of your frozen feline face.
But you could easily be a part-time supermodel in comparison to the latest mug Bravo has assaulted my poor peepers with.
Remember back to the glory days of 2009? Sure, the economy was in deeper shit
than the kid from Slumdog Millionaire
and all that boring stuff. But at least the world made some kind
of sense. We had a new president who promised to bring about
change. We knew Kanye was never going to stop being a douchebag. We knew that
Oompa-Loompas never left Wonka's chocolate factory.
episodes in to the sixth installment of the Housewives
franchise, The Real
Housewives of Beverly Hills, Bravo viewers have already been firmly introduced to some of the
most deranged characters to ever come out of Andy Cohen's nuthouse. Just like
with that grisly, five-car pileup on the side of the highway, it is impossible
to turn away.
In the wake of Fox’s new reality TV show More to Love we, as sensible viewers, must ask the question: has television finally lost all credibility? A cross between ratings giants (pun intended) The Biggest Loser and The Bachelor, this show will capitalize on all the ingredients that help turn on a normal reality-TV audience. It will still have the Jacuzzis and sensual massages, but this show will toss in the extra twist of totally eradicating any eye candy what-so-ever.
In a spoof on MTV's "The City," Newsweek is producing an online reality show called "The District." The premise is what if President Barack Obama had a reality show (on MTV). It's funny, not hilarious like we would be, but I was bummed when I finally realized it wasn't actually Obama speaking. Damn the gullibility!
New episode every Monday night.