Look, he's not releasing his taxes. OK? We all know that's just a Democratic ploy to make us hate rich people. Well, on second thought: maybe. HARHARHAR. No, really, sorry, South Carolina: he'll release them right away, sirs. Some of them. He thinks. OK: just last year's. But that's it, Florida! Unless you choose Newt! In which case: whothefuckknows!
Progressives snickered endlessly last night, re-assured that the GOP primary will continue to be a bruising, embarassing, drawn-out affair for MITT ROMNEY and NEWT GINGRICH.
They should count themselves lucky that the South Carolina primary sucked all the oxygen out of the news cycle -- otherwise, someone might have noticed that JOE BIDEN had a spectacularly bad week, managing to make three unbelievably harmful gaffes in a few days.
MITT ROMNEY still isn't eager to release his tax records (last night he said he'd maybe let you look at them in April, but he's not ready to commit). And as everyone knows, it's not because anyone thinks he's breaking the law. It's just because Mitt Romney has an obscene amount of money.
That isn't supposed to matter, because Republicans aren't supposed to have an envy problem -- it's totally OK if some guy makes way, way, way more money than them.
Everyone's favorite Sunday-morning NBC debate zinger got its own website -- albeit a Z-grade, 12-year-old-with-a-geocities-account type website. But there's plenty to love about StopRomeysPiousBaloney.com -- for one thing, the Baloney-meter. For another, idiot-proof social-media buttons to share on Facebook and Twitter.
About half our crew is still staggering around New Hampshire with those maniacs from the GOP, who continue to embarass themselves and their party. That goes double for the frontrunner, our old friend Mittens, who will probably lock up the nomination tomorrow -- much to the delight of progressives, whose job is right now being done for them by Newt Gingrich and his merry band of political suicide bombers.
Oh, Rick Santorum. We're so going to enjoy your all-too-brief sojourn as a serious presidential candidate.
RICK SANTORUM: I DIDN'T SAY BLACK PEOPLE, I SAID BLAH PEOPLE. Did Santorum really equate black folks with welfare recipients? No, no no no. You must have misunderstood. Rick Santorum would never do that. Certainly not in front of a bunch of cameras during a town hall full of white folks in Iowa, a state where less than 10 percent of welfare recipients are black.
Ohio Councilman Phil Davison here has been a Republican in times good and
times bad. So what does this time count as? And people say the right-wingers
are a little uptight. We don't know what this guy is on, but we do know that
we do not want any. (Although he gets our vote for best campaign speech
in the history of embarrassing campaign speech bloopers.
The public needs to hear this message from Phil Davidson, who, shockingly, did not win the Republican nomination for Treasurer of Stark County, Ohio. In keeping with the tone of his prescient words, THE PUBLIC NEEDS TO HEAR THIS MESSAGE!!!!
This has been bouncing around the Phoenix offices all morning.
CAPTION THIS PHOTO
Mine: Sarah Palin continues to slice out will-to-live from Alaskans