The most entertaining theater in this grand health care showdown has been that in which physicians play the victim. Look at homeboy right here; don't you just feel awful about the potential impact of "Obamacare"? Make you want to donate five cents a day so Dr. Dickstain can move from the bay side to the ocean?

My father told me that his dad used to watch Wheel of Fortune because, since he’s not allowed to read Playboy, he had to fill his spank bank with images of Vanna White. These days my grandfather watches a lot of Fox News.

Since liberals are allowed to frequent strip clubs and watch skin flicks, we don’t need to get our news from emaciated hotties (See: Rachel Maddow).