Ever the envelope-pushers (remember when nothing could come between Brooke Shields and her Calvins?) Calvin Klein has long been known for their provocative, overtly sexual, and sometime straight up weird ad campaigns. As Nina Garcia would tell a hapless Project Runway contestant proudly displaying yet another crotchless jumpsuit made entirely out of polyester and used condoms: "Sometimes I really question your taste level." Back in 1995, the world was shocked, and sort of creeped out, by a series of advertisements now known as the "Kiddie Porn" campaign. The ads featured grainy footage of young teens in their skivvies gazing glassy-eyed into the lens and talking about their undies. As one YouTube commentator summed it up, "This looks like what a creepy uncle films his nephews doing in his basement."
So it should come as no big surprise that the notoriously naughty brand has engineered yet another video campaign geared for "mature eyes only." It's called "X Marks the World" and, frankly, it smacks a bit of a craigslist ad for an underground P-Party. (A golden shower event, for the layman out there. A group of grown men pissing on each other, is what we're saying.) Behold, an excerpt from a recent press release:
Calvin Klein X Underwear is taking X to a whole new level using webcams to show how men around the world are marking their spot with X. The "X Marks the World" project lets users look into webcams of guys from Europe, Africa, North America, South America and Asia talking about how they mark their spot."
Is this just a case of our warped, fevered minds turning a harmless marketing campaign for boxer briefs into something soiled and smelling faintly of urine? Yeah, probably. But while we know that there are many people who would and do get their jollies watching a webcast of a half-naked dude in Germany marking his, er, spot (and, trust us, there can be noooo judgement from the peanut gallery over here at the Phoenix offices) we're with Nina Garcia. Sometimes the taste level must be questioned. Or perhaps just the misleading and poorly chosen language used in their PR material. But check it out for yourself. But be forewarned, how a man chooses to mark his spot is a personal (and not always office-friendly, for those of you web-surfing while you should be working, tsk tsk) matter. Click away!
And in related weird undergarment news items. Have you seen the Wearable Wine Rack Bra? A product so weird even the illustrious and ever credible Fox News took notice. If you haven't yet, you definitely should. The perfect gift for the woman in your life who wants a little extra something on top....and also happens to be a fall-down drunk. (Again, no judgement here.) This revolutionary brassiere, as we understand it, is a sports bra fitted with a plastic "bladder" that, get this, can hold an entire bottle of wine. That's 3 and a half glasses of Merlot sloshing around in your decolletage. Apparently, the vino-filled "bladder" doubles as padding, giving the wearer a little extra sumpin' sumpin' while ensuring that they never go thirsty for long. The products website suggest that the bra (which can also be filled with hard liquor, beer, hell, human urine if that's what you're into) is great for any occasion. Sporting events, movies, even PTA meetings! We're all for the concept, but one nagging concern occurs: what happens to that winning cleavage once you've drained the "bladder?" Now you're poorly endowed and drunk.