As an unabashedly devoted follower of anything that's been designated "reality" and features misguided youths behaving very badly, I was one of the first in line at the Middle East last night. Word was, MTV would be in the house holding auditions for one of their more low-brow reality cluster fucks (and that's saying alot) "Is She Really Going Out With Him?" I've only seen the show once or twice in passing, and believe me it's no "Jersey Shore" (or even "Tool Academy", VH1's answer to the wave of douche-centric television dominating the media right now) but I wasn't going to miss an opportunity to get a behind the scenes look at the mechanics behind a show with past episodes entitled "Bro-Flex" and "Douchelander." A show that was apparently inspired by this website.
Alas, when I got down to Throwed! things were not exactly in throw-down mode. Yappy noise-rock outfit Dear Zim (whose lead singer, inexplicably, was sporting a faux British accent that slipped in and out throughout the set) were onstage, desperately trying to get the 5 or 6 indie kids in the room to shake it, with little success. Meanwhile, I was scouting out the local talent, trying to pick out who was there for the big audition, with even less success. Was it the prepubescent couple stage left engaged in a heavy make-out sesh more suited to a junior high school dance? Not likely. Was it the craggy old dude at the bar sporting a long gray ponytail and eyeing two young vixens gyrating alone in front of the stage? Less likely (if only because the age limit for the show tops off at 24) but he would have made for some good TV.
As the night wore on, it became increasingly clear that, not only were the guidos and tools not coming to audition, nobody was. Perhaps it was the venue. The dingy basement of the Middle East, popular spot for the hipster set and current home to an indie electro dance party that was at last heating up two hours in) was perhaps an ill-advised choice for casting a show based around heavily muscled dudes whose main occupations include gelling their hair and hard-core clubbing. Most of the kids here couldn't even get into a club. A folding table set up by the coat room sat in front of a huge sign reading "MTV Casting!" But no one seemed to care.
The lone MTV staffer sitting behind the table looked bored, and even less hopeful than I that anything tool-tastic would go down. At least nothing MTV-related. Turns out, there were no auditions to be had. Said staffer informed me that she was merely there spreading the good word. If she found anybody "interesting" (read: awful) then she'd be holding interviews at a later date. Presumably, at a location I would not be privy to. Very big bummer. So, the next Snookie (she got her first taste of reality fame when she appeared with a "juice head" boyfriend on an early episode of "Is She Really Going Out With Him") is still at large. A flyer the staffer (who couldn't seem to understand that, no, I'm not actually interested in auditioning) handed me states that anyone who lives in the Boston area, is at least 18 years old and is available to shoot for three days in August or September is eligible to have a go at it. And you never know, it could be you.
Are you a terrible individual and just starving for your fifteen minutes? Send your name, contact info and skankiest self portrait to email@example.com. I just might.