Mutants, Scott Brown, and the impending apocalypse

Earlier this month, a lamb in Turkey was born with a human face, marking the second recent report of one of these fucked-up, mutant creatures. The first, a goat born in Africa last fall with human-like facial and body characteristics, was presumed to be the product of man-goat love, beaten to death, and burned. Veterinarians attribute this freaky phenomenon to a lack of vitamins for the fetus in the womb. Given recent events, I have come to an entirely different and, I think, perfectly logical explanation: the end of civilization is upon us.

Think about it. This morning, we woke up to the sweat-drenched realization that this bizarre, Red-state episode of The Twilight Zone is indeed real. Then came the tragic news of a 6.1-magnitude aftershock in an already devastated Haiti early this morning (read about how you can help Haitians rebuild their lives here).

Animals are looking like people, Haiti is in shambles, and supposedly liberal Massachusetts has elected a Republican centerfold senator to stop health care reform. Start making your 2012 bucket lists now, because the apocalypse may be coming soon after all.