The Beatles, Bill Belichick, breasts, and bird-eating spiders: Which of these quotes is not from the Onion?

1. What children think of the Beatles

“There is a girl called Lucy in a marmalade sky,” begins [eight-year-old] Otto. “Then her boat sinks and she lands in a marshmallow pie. Then a giant shoe falls down from the sky. Then John, Paul, Ringo and the other guy come out and go arrggh! They have two ninja swords, 14 laser canons and Darth Vader. Then the sky fills with diamond warriors who kill everyone.”

2. Bill Belichick's Tears Eat Through Podium

FOXBOROUGH, MA—In a rare show of emotion, Patriots coach Bill Belichick began to cry during linebacker Tedy Bruschi's farewell press conference Monday, shedding a noxious black discharge that burned through the podium and a solid concrete floor before eventually coming to rest deep inside the mantle of the earth below.

3. Women's breasts are men's first fixation

It’s thought that the reason might be evolutionary, as women with  larger chests and slim waists - such as Jennifer Hawkins, Lara Bingle and Rachael Finch - have higher levels of the female hormone estrogen, indicating greater fertility.

Researchers conceded that there could be a more prosaic explanation. "Men may be looking more often at the breasts because they are simply aesthetically pleasing, regardless of the size," they said.

4. Spider eats bird. Again.

Mr Jetson said Mr Paton liked the spider, and had kept its presence in their Mackay backyard a secret from his wife in fear she would destroy it.  

LINKS: one, two, three, four.