1. "Hi, I'm Hilary Duff. Can I take your order?"

2. Shoulder pads. Oh, wait, sorry -- that's just Fergie's shoulders.

3. Nelly Furtado stole that swan from Bjork, then ran it though a paper shredder.

4. Bela Fleck's Flecktones later sought political asylum on Gnarls Barkley's tourbus.

5. Imogean Heap, seconds after an assassin's bullet made her hat explode.

6. James Blunt, seen here wearing Linda Perry.

Kingmaker.

• Record of the Year: Not Ready To Make Nice, Dixie Chicks
• Album Of The Year: Taking The Long Way, Dixie Chicks
• Song Of The Year: Not Ready To Make Nice, Dixie Chicks
• Best Rock Performance By A Duo Or Group With Vocal: Dani California, Red Hot Chili Peppers

So this has turned into a coronation for Mary J. Blige and the Dixie Chicks. Re: Chicks. For a group of women who we're practically culturally obligated to make nice to, they sure do look like they could use a good clubbing. Mary J, whose performances, like her albums, can veer wildly from off-key, American Idol terrible to skin-tingling genius, at least had a good night.

Sporting, lads, good shew.

We had hoped, against any real hope, that T.I. would take it. Luda's the Hollywood choice now for as long as he can make records. Couldn't have been pure cooincidence that Terrence Howard came out to present the next award, could it?

Given how the night has gone so far, the Red Hot Chili Peppers and the Dixie Chicks are the only real contenders for Album of the Year. We're gonna try a screenshot when we get a chance to rewind, but our pal Mike Johnson is certain that the Chili Peppers' drummer Chad Smith was behind the kit for the Dixie Chicks. The Don King of Rock -- leave with the winner, Chad. Nice job.