In case you missed our blow-by-blow live-blogging of the Grammys last night, here's a link to the whole bloated mess. Remind us never to do that again.
OTD blogs the Grammys
1. "Hi, I'm Hilary Duff. Can I take your order?"
2. Shoulder pads. Oh, wait, sorry -- that's just Fergie's shoulders.
3. Nelly Furtado stole that swan from Bjork, then ran it though a paper shredder.
4. Bela Fleck's Flecktones later sought political asylum on Gnarls Barkley's tourbus.
5. Imogean Heap, seconds after an assassin's bullet made her hat explode.
6. James Blunt, seen here wearing Linda Perry.
Who the hell'd you think it was gonna be? We're almost not even mad because they showed the Misfits part of the video.
WATCH: Spank Rock, "Rick Rubin":
*What we thought about doing while taking a piss break.
...and inspiring Christina Aguilera, of course.
"When I was six years old I saw Elvis on television and I knew what I wanted to do with my life."
Um . . . make people despise the music industry?
1. Listen to it. (Lewis Black)
2. Put it on your head. (Chick Corea)
3. Eat it. (Ike Turner)
4. Give it to Enya. (Note the devil horns.)
Almost as odd: Milton Berle presents Ornette Coleman.
AAAEEEEEEUUGGH! MAKE IT STOP!!!
Not even Carrie Underwood in a seethrough shirt can wash the taste of this double-deckered shit-tastic BLT of bullcrap out our mouths.
So this has turned into a coronation for Mary J. Blige and the Dixie Chicks. Re: Chicks. For a group of women who we're practically culturally obligated to make nice to, they sure do look like they could use a good clubbing. Mary J, whose performances, like her albums, can veer wildly from off-key, American Idol terrible to skin-tingling genius, at least had a good night.
Sporting, lads, good shew.
We had hoped, against any real hope, that T.I. would take it. Luda's the Hollywood choice now for as long as he can make records. Couldn't have been pure cooincidence that Terrence Howard came out to present the next award, could it?
That was them up in the back, right?
27, "Crazy" (mp3)
Given how the night has gone so far, the Red Hot Chili Peppers and the Dixie Chicks are the only real contenders for Album of the Year. We're gonna try a screenshot when we get a chance to rewind, but our pal Mike Johnson is certain that the Chili Peppers' drummer Chad Smith was behind the kit for the Dixie Chicks. The Don King of Rock -- leave with the winner, Chad. Nice job.