By Derek Kouyoumjian. Click here for more photos from the Brattle's Oscars party.
you're broadcasting a universally smug, circle-pat-on-the-back session
like the Academy Awards to the entire world, someone is bound to say
something funny about it. And that's exactly what happened last night in
the Phoenix's Oscars Live Chat.
If you found 3.5 hours of commitment to be a little much, then perhaps
you'd prefer a brief summary of some of the funniest, silliest,
smartest, and strangest of last night's banter.Best Summation of Pre-Oscar Feelings:InfiniteSanta [7:26pm]: "Only one hour and four more minutes of #redcarpet until we can wait for four hours to see who wins #BestPicture. #oscars"This reminds me of "What If Movie Posters Told The Truth."
I think we all know that the Academy Awards are essentially all filler
except for like 4 categories that people actually care about, and yet,
here we are about to sit down and wait 3 hours to inevitably see
Oscar-bait catch Oscars. This years Oscar Truth-Poster Tagline: "King's
Speech Will Win A Lot Of Stuff."Things We've All Thought About A Celebrity's Name, and Then Said:bunkosquad
[7:42pm]: I'll say up front: it will never be possible for me to hear
"Hugh jackman" without thinking of Bart calling Moe's and asking for
You and me both! You've freed me from the burden of carrying this
around forever, always ashamed of it and never admitting to anyone.
Jackman is a pretty hilarious last name altogether, and put the Hugh in
front, and it's just too much.Peter [8:47pm]: I thought Wally Pfister was his porn name. As Patton Oswalt suggested,
this is the low-hanging fruit of last night's show, and yet there's
something strangely satisfying about poking fun at it. Wally "The Fury"
Pfister has probably been the butt of a lot of jokes.We Should Have Known This Would Happen:Peter [8:04pm]: Is he high? What's wrong with him? James
Franco being high is an easy joke to make, but seriously -- 4 minutes
in, and we already suspect he's baked. That's the stoned Bar Mitzvah
scene from A Serious Man,
but on a completely new level of awesome. Anyone with the balls to toke
before presenting the Academy Awards deserves an Honorary Award for
Chillness Under Pressure, Bro.My Absolute Favorite Quote of the Night:Eugenia [8:59pm]: Woof, her wattle just waggled when she waved at the balcony. We're talking Melissa Leo here. I'm not sure what a wattle is, but I love speculating as to what it could
be. I do know that waggling sounds funny, and if any of the things I
image a wattle is, are waggling, then good times are nigh. The
alliteration puts it over the edge, I nominate this text-bite of
literature for Best Quote.Best Fake Award:Peter [11:14pm]: Fewest teeth in a cast.And the winner is ... Winter's Bone,
a movie chock full of toothless crackheads. They must have invented the
toothbrush somewhere around there, because if it came from anywhere
else it'd be called a teethbrush.Best Summation of Post-Oscar Feelings:Maddy [11:06pm]: Well, maybe I should go see King's Speech, then, I guess. I
can't imagine being more ambivalent about a best picture winner, ever:
There is nothing about that movie that interests me except that everyone
keeps telling me how good it is, which is only to enough to convince me
that if someone forces me to sit down and watch it, I MIGHT say yes.
Not enough for you? Read the whole, unabridged Oscars chatjam here:
&amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;a href="http://www.coveritlive.com/mobile.php/option=com_mobile/task=viewaltcast/altcast_code=680ab82fc1" &amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;Oscars 2011 Live Chat&amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/a&amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;
Follow us on Twitter for updates and links to general coolness