What happens if Hognet becomes self-aware this Tuesday
In the spirit of the season, PETA have momentarily put aside their paint-slinging and nudity-exploiting, opting to set their sights on a new cause: freeing Punxsutawney Phil from a life of enslavement and untold horrors by replacing him with -- wait for it -- an animatronic rodent replica.
Phil has been alerting us to the onset of spring for years: a career
that PETA believes he was forced into against his will. Not so, argues
the Inner Circle of the Punxsutawney Groundhog Club.
William Deeley, president of that very Skull and Bones-sounding
society, explains that Phil is treated "better than the average child
in Pennsylvania." (Point and case, the firebombing of a house full o' Pennsylvanian tykes back in 1985. Well played, Deeley.)
Follow us on Twitter for updates and links to general coolness