From today's Boston edition of the World's Largest Global Newspaper, nee Boston's Largest Newspaper:
Editor's note: Metro has decided to celebrate the independence of our country by taking a few days off around the Fourth. We're guessing you'll be too, so we'll see you again next Thursday, July 9.
My question is, why Thursday? If you're already taking off Friday, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, why not just skip the whole damn week?