Did we just see that??

The way we were.

The Hills pretty much delivered. Most shocking of all: everything promised in the trailer for the premiere actually happened. And not only did it happen, it happened in all its eery, depressant, otherworldly Hills-like way — the only downfall being that Audrina was there, too.

Though there really isn’t anything per se to HATE about Audrina, there’s not much to adore yet either. It’s just that we didn’t really want to hear about the “inapropriate” tape situation through Audry — during a staged, nasally gab-fest with one of her coworkers. Nor, do we really want any insight from Audrina… of any kind… because let’s face it, she doesn’t seem to have a clue (Justin Bobby?). She may just be making LC lamer, too. Whenever Lauren trills Audrinaaaa, I have to check my gag reflex. And, since when does Lauren think “You guys kissed a lot!” sounds so profound…?

Meanwhile, Heidi has embarrassingly few friends and Spencer. The scene where she dresses for Spenser in the sparse master bedroom is sort of like being invited to watch a mistress dress for an old rich man.

And now that Lauren isn’t Heidi’s friend, anymore, we finally see the Lauren-Heidi showdown… sort of a letdown. Like we didn’t know Heidi and Spencer were “SICK” people… However, no matter how sick they are — I feel a little bad for them. How do you dig yourself out of a foolish young engagement that runs Reality-TV deep? But, I must say the bit where Spencer went: “ERRR!” in response to Heidi’s plans to paint the condo “light yellow” and thereby verbally GONGED her… was AMAZING! (It’s especially amazing if you watch it on repeat a couple of times and then laugh your ass off when Heidi shows up to an apartment graffitied: HOLLYWOOD instead. Har har har.)

Um, I think that covers just about everything great (but probably not) because so much freaking happened! Since when does stuff HAPPEN on The Hills is all I’m saying? And… it even looks like stuff is going to continue to happen because did you see the thong bikini Audrina was wearing in the trailer for next week’s episode? Or, did you see Jason?? OMGOMGLORIOUSG.