I
walked into “Misuse the Internet and Make People Love You” about
15 minutes late, but just in time for the panel's conversation about
screwing with corporations on Twitter. Specifically, they were giving
the example of a ruse that was aimed at Qdoba. A troll told the
burrito chain that his local outpost was being frequented by a
diaper-clad degenerate, to which Team Qdoba responded: “What
location?”
The
question came up about whether any of the panelists felt remorse
about messing with the people who vet such comments for companies.
“No,” said Nick Douglas of Slacktory. “It's not a real job,”
added Christopher Price of Tumblr, only to be one-upped by Jon
Hendren of Something Awful, whose Twitter handle, @fart, is awfully
close to my @fara1. “It's a hack job,” said Hendren. “Sorry all
you social media people out there.”
It's
not just the esoteric nature of web trolling and hacker jokes that I
adore. Or maybe it is, because a lot of what I've seen on 4chan and
other silly shit emporiums is the funniest kind of entertainment out
there. These pranks aren't for the type of person who would take a
Web gig with a burrito chain, or who would seriously print business
cards that read “Social Media Expert.” In fact I'm not sure who
they're for, other than heads who might shit a bit at the tomfoolery
I'm sharing with you here...
Oprah
is a fucking moron
Okay –
I already knew that Oprah is a useless idiot who fucks with the lives
of America's neediest fools. But until today's session I had no clue
about the whole story behind her beef with Anonymous, and how she
toasted her credibility in sparring with them. It turns out that the
group's claim to have “over 9,000 penises” aimed at “your
children” was a reference to an old 4chan standby, and a joke
lampooning the characterization of Anonymous as a cadre of
pedophiles. As for America's favorite housewife fluffer and nonstop O
magazine cover model – I'm guessing that her team of seasoned
investigative journalists was sick on the day that she warned viewers
about the thousands of cocks that “are all raping children.”
I'm
not the only one who makes fun of Big Dogs
Remember
Big Dogs? They make t-shirts for middle-aged post-frats who wear
sensible white cross-trainers with knee-high socks and denim shorts.
Ring a bell? Anyway – turns out there are a few trolls who love
messing with them, and that's a pontoon I plan to paddle along on.
I
think I got this right: there's a game among online do-badders called
The Game
And if
you click this, you lose.
@Horse_ebooks
are inspirational
Once
again – I've kind of known this since my friend showed me the feed
after some bong rips a few weeks ago, but thanks to @fart for saying
it. It's just not SXSW without a good equestrian blowjob.
The
Bodybuilding.com forums are good for more than just tips on how to
pick up girls with Playboy Bunny tats on their left pelvic bone
Props
to Katie Notopoulos of Buzzfeed for this gem. Turns out there are
forums on this meathead portal that could rival most of the dirty
shit that people who are smart, creative, and don't have barbed wire
tattoos are into.
It's
not Burger King that has the best fries after all
It's
these motherfuckers...
I
have a new favorite Tumblr
It's
called Pretty Colors, and I couldn't have put it better myself.
Christopher Price joked that he's getting a book deal for it, but
considering some of the books that really do have deals, I wouldn't
be surprised if he actually landed one.
This
shit is hilarious
This
shit right here...
I
need to read Cole Stryker's book
It's
called Epic Win for Anonymous,
and you actually need to read it too. Right now.
Welcome
mats are not always what they appear to be
Turns out that at least some of the comments on depraved YouTube
videos that read “Welcome to Obama's America” aren't written by
your Ford tough neighbor. There's an Urkel out there among us –
referred to this afternoon as the Johnny Appleseed of trolling –
who floats around the Web leaving that exact comment anywhere that
people like me might see it and scream a little inside.
SXSW
is great for finding new social networks to fuck with
Obviously,
but I never really thought about it until Nick Douglas of Slacktory
put it that way.
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