The Return (Revenge?) of the 90's: A Round-Up

We stumbled across three items today that could read as alarming or awesome (or both) depending on how you want to take em'. It seems like the early 90's are trying to make a some weird/terrible/questionable/confusing ways. To wit:

Remember Steve Urkel? Yeahhh you do. Everybody's favorite TV geek, the Urk had a never-ending supply of suspenders, was constantly knocking over household items, and could never get any action from the ladies. He did, however, have a debonair alter-ego named Stefan who was a lady killer indeed. So maybe it was Stefan, and not sweet little Urkel, who allegedly beat on his girlfriend in a recent case of (weird) domestic abuse. His baby mama claims that the erstwhile TV star punched her right in her breast implant while they were driving (said baby was also in the car.) A rep for Urkel (who, incidentally, is actually a dude named Jaleel White but who really cares, right?) says that the incident never occurred. "Did I do thaaaaaat?" Well, Urkel, it seems that's up to a judge to decide.

In less violent 90's news, Swedish pop sensation Ace of Base is making music again. For real. The one hit (well, actually, more like 3 hit) wonders are back and they mean business. Check out their recently released single "Mr. Replay" which we guarantee you won't ever replay because it is terrible. And they were pretty hot in their heyday. "I Saw the Sign" was pop gold and "Don't Turn Around" was genius. We're not even being snide, (for a change) those jams provided the soundtrack to some very good times. Alas, some things from the 90's should stay in the 90's. Like ultra-wide leg JNCO jeans and ball chain chokers. And four aging Swedish pop stars.

Speaking of fads from our childhoods, remember the Magic Eight Ball? The magical toy that would answer any query with a selection of Yoda-like answers. Which were no help at all unless you were asking it, say, "will my little brother be in a lot of pain in the near future?" And then when it answered "it is decidedly so" you could give him a solid indian burn and call yourself Prophet. Fun times. The problem with the eight ball was, eventually the little answer cube would get stuck with a non-committal edge pointed outward, never to foresee the future again. Which is unfortunate, because we would have wanted to ask it this: Will someone one day attempt to make a movie about you? And the answer would be: Damn right. Because, it seems, Paramount is seeking the film fortunes from Mattel so that they can do exactly that. We can only imagine what two hours of film about a plastic toy that tells the future (unless it's asking you to "try again later" which was always weak) could possible entail. We just hope M Night Shyamalan signs on for the seems like something right up his woebegone alley. Coming soon after: Etch-a-Sketch the Movie: Shake THIS, starring Bruce Willis.
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