Lindsay Lohan in Jail, Oil Spill Contained?
She's just being Lindsay Photo: Richard Pfeiffer
Put away your stencils for your “Free Lilo” T-shirts, heathens, can’t you smell a victory when it’s laced in cocaine? Lindsay can’t (as she would claim), but the justice system sure did!
Yeah, she was a cute kid. Her teen years were good to her. But watching her get away with DUI after DUI, and one cancelled/postponed/moved trial date after another was getting straight-up annoying. Isn’t it enough? How many reputable TV/Movie people (Jane Fonda, Martha Stewart, Ellen) have to publicly proclaim their concern before homegirl stays in a drug/alcohol program? I mean seriously, girl twitches--a lot.
How hard is it to charge someone who’s been turned away from movies, turned down from endorsing campaigns, and has personally transcribed her disturbing, dissassociative behavior in under 160 characters on a multi-daily basis? And she defecated on the memory of Marilyn Monroe with her little photo shoot! “Number her days!” I said, “NUMBER THEM!”
Granted, some of her stealthy maneuvering was straight out of Ferris Bueller’s handbook (“Yes, officer,” --who found a white substance in Lindsay’s shoe-- “this is only a mint, I swear!” A mint? “Must be,” he figured. You know how anal those twitchy Hollywood starlets being booked for drunk driving are about oral hygiene). And Ferris is great, but Gene is totally the sympathetic one, right?? And dammit, it’s time for the Ferrises and Lilos of the world to pay! So now she’s getting her come-uppings, and just for a day, while the thermometer teeters at 100, oil continues to seep to the outer reaches of the Gulf, and war rages on in the Middle East, it seems like something’s finally going right.
Que sera, sera, free-wheeling bastards.