Howie Carr: When It Comes To Non-Sequiturs, No Washed Up Columnist Does It Better

The more I get into Alex Zaitchik's excellent Glenn Beck expose, Common Nonsense, the more I've been thinking about Boston's pathetic second tier gasbag, Howie Carr. It must hurt to know that no matter how much ignorance and manufactured populism he vomits, he'll never have a fraction of the flag waving slobs behind him that nationally syndicated frauds like Beck enjoy on radio and television.

While picking on Carr is almost easier than rhetorically stomping that sentimental putz Joe Fitzgerald, I do believe that he needs an occasional spanking. And not just because of his cheap tabloid-conservative politics; as a writer, I'm truly offended by the junk that the Herald allows Carr to publish. Does anybody even edit homeboy anymore, or does he just phone it in straight to the page?

Today's column, "Marine can help make sure unions sink this fall," is classic Carr, with homophobia, anti-immigration hoo-rah, hawkish posturing, and a tirade against public service employees all neatly wrapped in a series of anti-union blanket statements. And that's not all; in a mere 500 words, he manages to squeeze in a Whitey Bulger story, sidekick the Boston City Council, and endorse Charlie Baker for governor - all while telling the story of a retired Marine turned Worcester teacher who is beefing with his union over dues. Here are some highlights:

Do you think the union would be after Godin if he were, say, an illegal alien? Or gay? Or best of all, a gay illegal alien?...

...Let’s face it, the leaders of the teachers unions don’t like the military, and it’s not just “don’t ask, don’t tell,” although that’s a very big part of the problem with this crowd....

...The hack toll takers on the Mass Pike get to ride for free, and get to go out on disability after they allegedly drop the cash drawers on their feet - and if you don’t like it, well, go fight the Teamsters...

...In his early 40s, Whitey Bulger’s nephew finished his 23 years at the T and went to work on a second state pension at the Probation Department, where one of his brothers already was on the payroll for a six-figure salary...

...Some candidate needs to make an issue of Maj. Godin. I nominate Charlie Baker.

Because clearly, Charlie Baker is the answer to every angry old white man's psychological issues. Also: way to alienate all union members who served in the military, not to mention the people who teach our children. There are some good points here - only a fool (or firefighter) would support the obnoxious contract that the jakes are getting - but this unintelligible hodgepodge doesn't even manage to convince on that note.

Finally, to paraphrase a line inspired by another overgrown child: Mr. Carr, what you've just written is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent polemic were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. All of your readers are now dumber for having read it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your rotten soul.

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