New for the iPad: Comic books and porn

Let's face it: people who want to read static, black-and-white books (see: old people) are going to stick with their Kindles and Nooks. If the iPad is going to get any traction whatsoever (and for the record, we're predicting a faceplant, but that's another post) it's going to have to present its users with an experience they can't get on their iPhone. And today two publishing firms announced plans to roll out products that just don't work as well as they should on a mobile device: yup, comic books and porn. 

Sure, you can get all the porn you want for free on the regular ol' desktop internet. But what about those special times, when you want to take your porn with you? Like when you have to "take a leak" at the bar: 

Or in the backseat of your married friends' car: 

Or, you know -- at your desk at work, when the bosses have turned on the firewall:

Yup. For those times you're going to need something like the PINKVISUALPAD, which the porn site Pink Visual announced today will be launched in April. Still to-be-determined, however, is how to make anything called a "pad" sound sexy. Not that PinkVisual isn't ready to give everything a shot: here's a couple of (actual) attempts at phallusizing the device that have "fail" written all over them:

"To hell with censored apps and blown-up phone sites: get ready to unlock the full porno-potential of your tablet!"

"Big, crisp, high-resolution video that will make your friends say, ' I want a piece of that!' " 

Once they get the marketing worked out, though, we expect it'll sell like . . . well, like internet porn. 

Meanwhile, PANELFLY -- makers of a popular iPhone app for buying and reading comics from Marvel, among others -- have announced a bigger-better version to take advantage of the iPad's only competitive e-readerish edges: color and sound. The "comic book store in your pocket" concept is essentially unchanged from their iPhone app -- but this one's bigger! See?