Of course a dego onslaught looms. And every one of us who has watched the same three Jersey Shore episodes two-dozen times is partially responsible.
Since eating is the only activity that Italian men like more than assaulting dangerously tan women, trainers from The Biggest Loser are doing a spaghetti spin-off. Here's the casting call:
Do you love Cacciatore and Pasta? Do you love being Italian? Did you grow up like I did where dessert was another piece of lasagna? Boston Casting is seeking Italian families with BIG PERSONALITIES who want
to loose [sic] weight.
If interested, send photos of your fat WOP ass to firstname.lastname@example.org. And be sure to bring that BIG, obnoxious, completely exaggerated faux-mobster personality you giant fucking loser.