At 6 o'clock this morning, a woman who appears to be from Buffalo New York left what amounts to a 14-minute voicemail (it was split into two messages) on my phone. She announced her name and even gave her phone number (a reverse lookup online matches that number to her name, at a Buffalo address).
I'll let you listen to it for yourself, but I'll tell you that it's a treat. We get a lot of odd calls in the office, but this one's among the weirder ones, as far as entertainment value goes.
Among the revelations in this message:
-the caller is "Venus, the goddess of love" and she has saved the Earth, the Jews, American Jews, and many other people.
-"The Lord of Hosts is not very nice" - this from a woman who purports to be his wife!
-Satan will save the world, by "going to every convent in the world and he's going to get all the nuns pregnant and they will give birth to Jesuses" who will be universally good and do good works everywhere.
-"By having a love affair with Moses, I liberated the Jews." In addition to being married to "the Lord of Hosts," and this affair, she admits to affairs with Satan, "the American Hitler," and several "Hitlers" from other countries. She was also "a communist for the FBI."
-Bad people will be expunged from the world through our sewer system: "There will be an epidemic of incontinence and diarrhea. ... All the worst bastards of the world are going to get incontinence and diarrhea and be chained to their toilets" and therefore unable to harm anyone.
-Finally, she reaches her point, which, it turns out, is pretty sane: "If you want to thank me, do something about the subservience of women."
But you really gotta hear it: